BEREZAY's..........you just can't have one!

Somthing NEW, Somthing Borrowed and Something Blue............

2012-01-19T10:16:00.000-08:00

You would think I'm getting married by the above post title....but no way Jose!!! I'm loving the one I married and am good!!

This is me being a little more vulnerable than I'd really like to be and doing something a little different in hopes of being successful!

I've started a new blog. I started two other blogs in the past, but either made them private and a handful of people could view or made them completely private and only my cousin and husband were allowed to read. Those are both deleted....I failed at them.

This one is out in the open, for anyone to read. It's my 'diet journal' if you will. I've been on a quest to get my weight down, not just for the looks, but so that I can do my part to stay here on earth with my kids and Jason. I am taking my health very serious and just wanting to do/show a better way.

It is a struggle. (the something blue) Satan very much LOVES to beat a person down and will throw whatever my way to stumble me. I recognize some of those things...and have been working to push them aside.

It is a new diet. (the something new) It's the HCG (homeopathic version) and it's intense to say the least. I hate diets. I don't completely believe in them...but as you may or may not read (on my blog), I have to be drastic to reset my body and the way it works.

I could use the encouragement and positive vibes. (the something borrowed) Knowing that others care fills my cup. Knowing someone else may either have the same struggle or that mine is assisting them fills the cup as well. I honestly don't want to hear about so and so...I'd love to hear about your thoughts/feelings/experiences.

I've kept a lot of things I do a secret. I don't like being told what to do or "if you would just do...." and so keeping things a secret seemed the way to go. That didn't work, so I'm choosing not to be insane and share and be vulnerable. (hate that!)

Don't feel obligated to read....if it's not of interest, that's fine! I only want the positive and encouraging. I want to be VERY careful....it's me making a big change and that can be tricky. The slightest thing can waiver me....so I want to be vigilant.

The address is http://breakingtheexcuses.blogspot.com

(see how vulnerable I've been....I even put a picture of just me! ACK!!!)

Changes are.................

2011-12-28T16:57:00.000-08:00

...........Hard/Scary/Intense/Joyful/Exhausting and Reflective. That's been our last week. :)

Jason has changed jobs. His uncle has a business that sells/installs and repairs Coin operated laundry machines into apartment buildings, etc.. He worked for them when Ben was born and we were living in Spokane. His cousin Nathan runs the business on this end of the state.

Jason has been working here and there for them on his days off, just to make a little extra scratch. It has been such a blessing. They've gotten really busy over here and are ready to add another person to the mix. They offered it to Jason.

After making sure we would be covered and after A LOT of prayer, we made the switch. I say A LOT not because of the deal, or who we'd be working for, but because we wanted this...and I guess we're used to 'Nope, try again'. ;) It felt sooo odd to have Jason give his two weeks notice to Lowes. We thought we'd be there forever!

What we didn't expect and I feel Christmas masked a little, was the emotional dump we've had from quitting Lowes and having our new adventure start.

I was talking to Sam the other night about sharing experiences and feelings with us so we could assist him through the new wild frontier of adolescence and I said " sometimes feelings will come out of no where and knock you flat on your butt!"...............enter Jason quitting here. :)

We don't miss Lowes. We are not sad to have left. There are more feelings of relief. Jason will be able to go to church EVERY Sunday now, as well as have and fulfill a calling. This has been our prayer for months. We are relieved that we will have a better feel for when Jason will or won't be home. He'll be able to spend more time with ALL the kids, not just Sam at the gym. He and I can actually SET a date night! Good Good stuff!

We've been a little surprised that we are having to "integrate" him back into the family. NEITHER of us realized just how much Lowes was SUCKING the life out of us and our family. It is a testimony builder that the Lord is mindful of our righteous desires and always provides a way after all we can do. Sometimes it feels like Satan is winning. It feels like we are smacking into one wall after another.

A quote by Elder Holland keeps coming to mind: "The future of this world has long been declared, the final outcome between good and evil is already known. There is no question as to who wins because the victory has already been posted on the scoreboard. The only really strange thing in all of this is we are all still down here on the field trying to decide which team’s jersey we want to wear.”

Why I've been touched and in awe of His personal attention to the 'Seattle' Berezay's is beyond me. We've picked our jersey and have been working SO hard at being worthy of the Team.

Jason is amazing. He so very much deserves this change. He is very excited to be working with his family. He wants to make them proud. I am completely relieved for him and the chance to get to know his kids again. WE LOVE JASON!

So begins another chapter in our lives. A surprise ending as it were. ;)

What?!?! ;).................

2011-12-27T00:19:00.001-08:00

I have oddly been asked lately why I haven't updated my blog?! I find that interesting because I honestly didn't think many read it. The BIGGER reason I'm grateful for the inquiry (because let's face it...who doesn't want to be missed!) is that I really need to keep a journal. Keeping track of our lives. I'm beginning to think it's the key to slowing our lives down a bit! (I am however coming up on my 400TH post!!!!)

The reason for my hiatus is we got on a fast fast track! Since my last post we:

Had a MAJOR flood in our home
Started Homeschooling....ME homeschooling! Oi!
I was called as the Primary Secretary
Jason changed jobs.

So yes...we got crazy!!! ;)

All of the above are going soo well though, so there are ZERO complaints! All my kids are progressing in their studies. We are catching issues (learning styles/not getting it) early and re-directing. I'm just so grateful the Lord has seen fit to bless me with the stamina to keep up with these 4 chillins. I thought running after 4 toddlers was hard!

I also have been wrestling/struggling and assessing with personal feelings about situations/family and mostly self. I just don't feel my blog/FB is the place to express such tender feelings.. So the desire/information and inspiration just hasn't been there.

I'm going to work really hard to do better. Mostly so my kids can have a journal. I also like seeing how I've grown in perspective. Since I started this blog, I was the tallest and there was a lot of crying and basic "don't hit"..'s occurring.

Thank you to those who noticed I was gone. Thank you for the inspiration. ;)

Christmas morning pictures to come!!! :)

Family Pictures..............

2011-08-11T10:31:00.001-07:00

Yea us....we got family pictures done again!!! I love family pictures and wish we would do them every year...but we seem to skip a year or two! ;) We are so happy with our pictures and had fun doing them...the rain stayed right up until we finished then started raining. The dogs...well...they have limited photo ops...they were AWFUL!!! Our photographer did a great job getting the couple shots she did get. Can you see Jason's eyes in the one right below...yea, that's "where's the nearest dog shelter" look! ;) If you want a family picture/letter...email me your address. We are going to be sending out 'Back to School' letters instead of Christmas. one2manydiapers@hotmail.com

"Snipe" hunting and a bit more.........

2011-07-23T20:10:00.000-07:00

Let me just paint you a picture of the story I heard upon picking my daughter up from the church parking lot from Girls Camp.

First off....I have a whole new appreciation of seeing a bunch of girls slopping themselves out of cars and looking very much like it was a coin toss between a shower and a decent nights sleep. :)

As we are making the drive home (which is even shorter than our previous home) and she says "I have the best story I HAVE to tell you"....I'm getting ready for a "I made one of my best friends" or even a "we had the best skit night". Nope it was "we went on a SNIPE hunt!"

My first thought was "they still do that?!"

Here is her experience:

They(the 2 oldest youth counselors) gathered all the first years and told them they were going on a snipe hunt..."so brush your teeth and then put toothpaste all over your face, because it helps to attract them." So they did it!

Then they got them in single file, hand in hand (McKelle was the caboose) and led them to an opening and "explained" what a snipe was so they would know. And they were just going to catch one or two then release them into the wild. "so keep close, keep hand in hand and watch out for them, they are FAST!" (they were building...terror and excitement...an exhilarating feeling)

As they led them to another clearing, they had youth counselors in the woods, tossing things (dirt, small rocks, pine cones) at the girls. Again....terror and excitement. ;)

They got to the second clearing and then this is where it gets a little "fuzzy" for her. All she remembers is a scream and running. In her words she "started to feel some panic and then just started running!" She was at the end so "the first was last and the last was first" and she was grateful!

I guess one poor girl tripped and fell and got "trampled" (her word) on....she got stepped on once.

Once they all made it back to camp "safe and sound", some were saying that it wasn't real...and sweet McKelle was defending her leaders, even with the "fish hook" in her mouth. :)

The leaders then came clean and in true McKelle style....laughed at her self.

Ahhh, the sweet things that happens at Girls Camp!

She also came home with a prize found desirable mostly and hopefully only among the girls.....the stinky bead! Which ever adult came up with giving this bead out or let it be out....should get their membership pulled. (I'M KIDDING!!!) But seriously....the stinky bead?!

You get this small insignificant (to a mother) bead by....wait for it...NOT SHOWERING ALL WEEK!!!! She was amazingly proud of it?! On the one hand I was loving the adventure/experience and "she totally got into it" of it all.....and the other hand OH MY WORD!!!! Before I would let her tell me all her adventures, a shower was taken and clothes double washed in the washer.

She was also very proud that her idea of acting out the Dr. Suess book they were assigned as 1st years got the 1st years the biggest applause anyone can remember. Love those self esteem building moments.

The BEST idea they had, I thought....was the Polar Dip. It is optional, but you get a snowflake bead for doing it...maybe it's the bead?! .....anyway, the girls get up at 6:30....make it to the lake by & then JUMP IN THE LAKE!

Yea, it's wicked cold without being 7am....Polar Dip is the best description ever. But what a great way to wake those sleepy girls up and get em going! McKelle did it every morning....Atta Girl!!!! ;)

Camp......................

2011-07-17T11:25:00.000-07:00

This is a teaser for our new family pictures.....that and this post is about this beautiful girl! ;)

Tomorrow McKelle goes to GIRLS CAMP!!!! She's that blessed 1st years that irritated us all except when we were actually a first year! Sam goes to his Scout Camp all week as well....what will I do for babysitting?! ;) ....I'll post on him later!

I'm soooo excited for McKelle I can hardly stand it! Girls Camp is where I gained some of my testimony then strengthened it as well. I made the very best friends and had the best experiences!

Last year I went as our ward camp director. (In Vernal.....can you believe it's only been a year?! It feels like 4 or 5 years!!!!!) I had the best experience as well.....and the 1st years weren't even the ones that irritated me! :)

I just remember wishing McKelle could have experienced all that they prepared for the girls last year.....and knowing it is probably better she experience it without me this year. Don't get me wrong though, I very much WANT my children to experience other leaders/adults. I know the influence other adults had on me and pray my children find the same....plus we can only take so much of our parents!

I'm so grateful for all the hard work that goes into girls camp. Men...some women....bach at what we do there. They don't consider it camping. They focus on what it isn't, instead of remembering what it IS!

I'll let you know the gritty details of it all when she gets back...or maybe have her make a post! :)

Sam (isn't he handsome!) as well is doing his camp this week....who scheduled it that way should be flogged! I'm excited for him too....and a little nervous as well. This is the first long stretch of time since he got Diabetes that he'll be away from us. Being away from us is not the problem. He's very much at the age that he doesn't just deserve but NEEDS to spend time away from his parents!

I applaud his leaders though. They gathered for one last meeting this last week and asked Jason and I to come and teach them ALL about diabetes. It was good. They all tested themselves so they could experience. They asked the questions that they weren't sure of....some were more calm about it than others. ;) Luckily, Sam's best friend's dad is a police man...they usually stay calm....will be there all week!

I'll have him make a post as well...or give you the details. I'm not gonna lie...I'll take the path of least resistance on this one. ;)

Me....I'll be baking bread this week, and praying Ben and Zoie get along without their playmates. Wish me luck!

Normal "quiet" life, with 2 psychotic dogs................

2011-06-27T16:35:00.001-07:00

Well, we are moved, decorated and done. It's been a chaotic at best two weeks, but life is starting to normalize. I'll give ya the "run down".

The dogs are actually doing pretty well. They've been more trained since we've been here than they every DREAMED of being in the house. So that's a bonus!!! We also discovered that Bindi is the real problem not Chuck. Chuck was just bigger, with a bark. Bindi is the one that gets him all anxious and barking!

The children seem to like living here?! They really haven't voiced otherwise and trust me....they'd voice it. (that and we've been asking ;)) There's a couple things I've noticed....

It's actually more quiet in this little apartment than it was in our house?! Even outside our apartment building is quieter than it was at our house?! Except the swing at the park right next to our building. I'm getting a can of WD40 and sneaking over....I'll have Jason take pictures. ;)

I "sweep" clean my home in about an hour, I can company clean it in about 2-3, I can DEEP clean my home in less than 8 hours! To some that might mean it's too small or we're that dirty. For those that know me well....that means I can not only really clean everything, but organize and clean out my closet/drawers as well!!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE it and may never leave it! I can let my neurotic cleaning self SHINE!!!! (did I mention I love it?!)

We've changed wards(same church, different group)...and with that change has come some difficulty. For all of us, but mostly Sam and I. It's the oddest thing to be on the other side of familiar. Our previous ward meets before us and we overlap. This last Sunday we had to weave through all that was familiar to go to a room filled with unfamiliar people....so surreal.

Sam has had the most difficulty. His scout troop/quorum has been amazing in our previous ward. We joke that if we didn't put our ENTIRE heart and soul into scouts they'd pull our church membership! (not really!) But they really assisted him in being excited and transitioning into young adulthood. He's been very surly and VERY resistant in joining in on his new troop/quorum. Case in point:

Last Tuesday we went for scouts/yw. (our new day...previously it was wed) As we were sitting there waiting for everyone else, I start to quiz Sam as to why none of the YM were showing up. Well....they were suppose to be there at 5 and he chose to keep that little tidbit to himself. So we had a nice chat about lying and all that that entails. It was nice because he had taught it HIMSELF in FHE! (post before!) Good night!!!!

The next day we were in charge of pack meeting for the last time, so the kids were able to go with their friends. Jason and I discussed it along with his troop leader (from previous ward) and decided to present this deal: If he gave 110% in his new troop/quorum he can continue to participate in his old troop. Never seen a person take a deal faster!!! (and thus far he's keeping to his deal, I've gotten all the details for this coming Tue, without having to ask!)

Summer is just now starting for us, and so far it's okay. I'm not a big fan of summer....it's exhausting to keep them happy/educated/entertained. But we've been organizing our activities and I think we'll be okay!!!! ;)

I've also made a new deal with the two crack (sugar) addicts of the house. I expressed how I've been managing BOTH their health and it's exhausting to the point I can't seem to take care of my own. I'm honestly concerned of stroking out or having a heart attack. So I'm praying that one or both of them love me enough, or are at least a smidge concerned about my health as well....but this is what I put to them.

For everyday they manage their diabetes, I'll keep to my exercise (hour & 1/2), water (145 oz) and calories (not sure...have to go online and see;)). I'll still remind Sam because he's still learning to navigate life as well as diabetes, but no eye rolling, sighing or resistance....or the day doesn't count. Jason has to just do it himself. Their only outs is if they are honestly crashing or so high it's not registering. I'm not unreasonable.

That was yesterday, today is going well. Which I'm excited!!!! Please Please pray they keep to it and help each other. They both need to get healthy and I'm running out of steam managing it! If this doesn't work?!?!?!?!

So that's us this week! Just moving along, one moment at a time!

Form of.....a mommy pay day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-06-20T21:31:00.000-07:00

I had a mommy pay day today, and I'm not gonna lie, I was shocked as hell!

Jason had mentioned to me this morning during our work-out that Sam had asked if he could do FHE yesterday. He's asked before and then just gave us that deer in headlights look and well....I would do FHE.

But, we give our children chance after chance right?! So when he got home from school I mentioned what Jason had said. I got an enthusiastic "yea, is that ok?!" I was glad to be leaning up against a wall because you could have blown me over with a feather!!! "uh.....YEA it's ok, what are you doing it on?" Sam: "honesty"....last thing I thought he'd pick.

We had dinner and made cupcakes for FHE treat and then waited till 7 because a friend of Sam's wanted to come over.....he'd never experienced an FHE (he's been a member for about a year?!...that's another post).

We sang, prayed and turned the time over to Sam.

He did SOOOOOOO great! He had it all written out. He had scriptures and even naturally put in "I was reading 'For the Strength of Youth and found this interesting"....I almost cried! And he didn't just do the "don't lie", he put in the don't cheat, do your best and what happens to our souls when we do cheat, lie or are dishonest.

I was just soo soo proud and pleased!!!! I loved hearing his testimony, and without coaxing.

So it was a good FHE....MOMMY GOT PAID!!!! ;) Phew....my 'bank' was getting low! ;)

It's a bit of a list...............

2011-05-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

I know I've been very M.I.A. as of late. There are a multitude of reason's why I have been. Just so you know I'm not curled up in a ball (Gretchen ;)) I'll share a few of them!

These are not in any particular order...just what comes to mind first.

The teenage years are getting thicker. I've been spending NUMEROUS hours keeping "track" of and having one talk of some sort after another. It's not bad, but exhausting. Keeping a balance is key for these mini adults and letting them make some mistakes and teaching instead of scolding is a tricky business. Time consuming to say the least....it's the first year I've wished for 3 babies in diapers vs. this. (I know...who would have thought!)

Dogs. Bindi is great as always. Chuck is PSYCHOTIC! And the pure definition of A BIG DUMB ANIMAL! I'm a little at wits end with this dog. And you know it's bad when I'LL say that! We are not lazy about our discipline. We are teaching everyone. And yet, he's just a big dumb animal. He'll do something, we discipline him and he looks at us like "what? What did I do?" Time consuming.

Normal life. This just takes up time in general. Getting dinner, scripture study, FHE, cleaning, laundry, cleaning, laundry, exercising, cleaning and some more laundry. Time Consuming.

My callings are a little time consuming as well. I am the assistant cub master (Jason is cub master)...so I basically plan and execute and Jason runs the meeting. Which I'm happy for the trade! It's only once a month, but there's a lot of planning, searching and reading up on for me. I've actually learned to love it....I hope you were sitting down when you read that!

I'm also on the RS activities committee. We just had our biggest even which was a service auction. It was a lot of fun! They've had this annually for many years, so it's a well oiled machine, still takes time though. We did a "progressive dinner" of sorts a month ago and I did it again....volunteered and did my "no worries, I got it" and ended up doing most of it?! I'll learn someday, it's okay. ;)

Then there's all the medical things we deal with. It's gotten better....we aren't doing chemo or making hospital trips....but we are having deal with insurance companies, being forced to set up prescription home delivery and paying for it all at once ($500), it hurts a lot more at once than it does a hundred or so a week. Then there's the Dr. visits to get everyone up to date on shots, getting tested (Ben) and getting Diabetes under control (which isn't yet). Time consuming.

Pathetic huh?! I want everyone reading to know....we aren't that pathetic! We are working at being pro-active. Being Christ centered, which makes everything above not so over whelming. (I re-read it and wow...I could really loose my mind!). I'm also grateful grateful for the things that take up my time but are so blessed.....like......

Jason! He is the best partner I could have to handle all we do. He's great at keeping his cool and keeping mine. He's great at being so supportive of anything I decide to do.

My Kids.....as exhausting as they can be, they give back just as much. They help around the house without whining. They can follow direction. They are sooo willing to do scripture study and FHE, which isn't always the case I'm finding out. They don't talk back and yell at us. They give hugs and lots of compliments, which I get isn't the norm as well. I must have bribed them some how to come to our family. ;)

My Savior. I'm grateful to have the scriptures. I'm grateful for the peace they bring. I'm grateful for the Ensign and the great things that "enlighten" my day to day. I'm grateful for prayer and knowing this life would be VERY lonely with out it.

So that's where I've been. ;) I've loved catching up with you guys when I can on blogs or FB. I'll get this "schedule" under control as well and be back blogging away! Mwhaa to all of you!

Bethenny and Kim................

2011-04-11T23:28:00.000-07:00

I'm in the moment.........this is something I'm working at, being in the moment, with control. ;) Let me explain why this reality star/entrepreneur is on my blog.

I'm slightly obsessed with Bethenny. Not in a we are best friends and I have her address sort of way.

In a, I feel like I've been to therapy every time I watch her! She is what I would be without the gospel and without any filtering. It makes me laugh when people mention how I just say what I want or say without thinking. I've only flown off the handle and said what I really wanted to say maybe twice in my life. I've kept people/family in my life because I know it's what the Lord would have me do and they are in my life to teach me a lesson, to teach me how to be a better version of me. (I don't judge her for cutting family out...they are crazy and I probably would too if my family acted as such!)

She's is such a great example of rising above the crap and nonsense and moving forward. I feel like this is something I want to do more in my life...I just haven't figured out how just yet. I'm not going to cut people out...although it's seemed like a good idea at times...I've just had some pretty tender feelings hurt on some pretty tender subjects, forgiveness is not easily given sometimes. I'm working on it though.

I like how she continually is looking at the situation and herself. I don't feel like this is a part of me that people even realize I actually do myself, which I think is why I love watching her...she validates some of the things I feel and struggle with in my own life.

I in no way am feeling like I'm looking in a mirror. It's not lost on me the differences between us. I do relate to some of the struggles and fears she has, they've just manifested in different and some not so different ways.

She's hilarious and I always get a great belly laugh while watching her. I love seeing what the gospel has done for my life. There's no doubt in my mind that without it, I would be in a very different situation than I am now...and I LOVE the situation I'm in right now! :)

"Monthly" update...................

2011-04-11T17:13:00.000-07:00

I am completely unoriginal in my choice of picture....but I felt it time to give an update! We've had quite the month since our last post. Here's a rundown!

First, our scripture reading is going GREAT! We've been so blessed and have gotten into the habit of getting up early...it doesn't hurt...as bad...anymore to get up! We have such great kids. There's only been a couple mornings where there was an issue of what was going to happen. ;)

My favorite was Sam telling me (after a couple days of having to get up 20 min. earlier) that he was going to miss scripture study. When I asked him why he told me he was going to be sleeping in to...and I quote..."catch up on some sleep". I just looked at him, wondering if he thought I was actually going to bite?! I told him while I under stood his concern...he'd be fine and missing wasn't an option at this point. Wait till early morning seminary hits!

Jason and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary on the 29th of March. I love that it's always just him and I. I love that I'm still completely hot for him! I love our friendship and partnership. Just sooo grateful! Words cannot express! (I also got a new wedding ring...LOVE IT!)

We've also been having great FHE, which I'm not gonna lie....a little surprised about! We got out of the habit and I've re-committed myself to the basics. Sometimes with older kids, it just doesn't go that well. I've decided we have AMAZING children.

We found some great..ish news about Jason. We had yet another scare, but all is well. We did find out that his common bile duct is collapsed in an area. It's causing his bilirubin to back up, but the good news is, no surgery!!! The bad news is...there is surgery in his future, just not till it gets bad! Once again, we see and feel the Lord in our lives.

The rest is just day in and day out mayhem and madness....which I love! (the routine...not the madness)

Just wanted to let you all know I was still here...ish. ;) Stay tuned...we are having family pictures done soon, and we ...okay I am very excited!

Early Mornings.............

2011-03-04T22:48:00.000-08:00

This week has been....interesting.

Before I go on....you MUST know something about me...I HATE getting up early!

My car being threaten to be taken away is how I got through 4 years of early morning seminary...and I mean EARLY!!!
Getting up with my babies, showed me how child abuse COULD happen....it never did...I'm just sayin!
And now we've seem to come full circle. Let me explain.

We usually do our family scripture study at night. Mostly because of the above reason. Since we moved here...my kids can all get themselves ready, eat without me and get on the bus. I got to really sleep in for the first time in 12 years!!!

Scripture Study has not been going well the past month or so, something is always coming up OR the time just isn't right OR...I'm done for the day, selfish as that may sound, I'm owning up to it.

I made the realization this past Sunday that we were going to have to do something about it. The Lord is so patient and gentle. Instead of giving me a big "duh"...he just lets me slowly make the realization that I'm gonna have to do the thing I dread...getting up early.

The alternative of my children not learning from the scriptures or creating a relationship with their Savior because I was too tired just isn't an option. Plus...I'm hoping this will fill my sacrifice quota! ;) (I'm kidding, but it sounds awesome!)

So this entire week we've (Jason and I) gotten up at 6:30...scriptures by 6:45. I know it's just a week, but it feel soo good!!!

And in true Sam form....wed night "informs" me he's going to sleep in till 6:30. (to catch up on his sleep from waking up 15 min. earlier for 3 days!) Like he just can't make scripture study. So I informed him he could go to school in his pj's because FAMILY scripture study was at 6:45. He was ready to by 6:45. ;)

A skipping I will go..............

2011-03-03T17:17:00.000-08:00

For anyone that TRULY knows me....can get the sarcasm dripping with this picture. ;) It might even make you chuckle. For which you are 'welcome' for one of your "required" laughs of the day!

I just realized how sucky my blogging has been of late. And I completely and totally blame it on my calling at church. Okay...that may be a smidgen unfair, but that's my story and I'm stickin to it!

I have been consumed with thoughts of scouts. I so very much want to do a good job at it....but it's like being thrown into an anti-gravity machine and told to walk a straight line. Yes, I have two boys. Yes, they are almost out of cub scouts....and up until now I've quite effectively dodged cub scouts!

I've learned more in the past two months than I have my entire life. Oi!!! And to boot....I'm only in charge of the monthly pack meeting! This past month was the blue and gold which was actually really fun and easy, it's the rest of the year I get to work at making fun and interesting with no "theme" included, other than a monthly core value. See....my head is already swimming.

This is definitely out of my comfort zone, I've wanted to completely walk away from it more than once...but that's not my nature AND it's out of the question for me...so trudging, I mean skipping on I go. I also have to get the yellow shirt associated with this calling. And not even thoughts of my Aunt Miriam wearing it can make me excited about putting it on.

The other thing consuming my thoughts will be another post....later....but your gonna wanna read it! ;)

Band Aid....removed.......................

2011-02-09T11:54:00.000-08:00

I had an interesting experience this morning. One I was not truly prepared for, but I know the Lord meant for me not to be. This may turn into a story, but I feel it important to remember for our family.

So we have found a general Dr. here in Monroe, that we are really liking. She has assisted me in getting off all my pain meds, which is AWESOME and addressed my other health issues in a way no other Dr. has. Jason agreed to see her because he has seen what she has done and has won him over. Which if you know Jason is no small feat!

He had an appointment this morning, because he's out of diabetic supplies and well....it's almost been about 6 months since he would agree to go to a Dr. for his diabetes. She was excellent with him. She took his history. Of course we had to talk about the cancer, but she was focused on the diabetes..which is why we love her!

When she was done, she made a statement that hit both Jason and I...quite profoundly.

First, she told Jason she didn't blame him for the way he had been taking care of his diabetes. She could hear the embarrassment and the shameful "well, I check when I can".

She explained that normally when a person becomes Diabetic, it is a defining moment in their lives. Nothing is the same again. Because we found out about it right smack in the middle of trying to keep him alive AND that it was explained to us in such a way that his pancreas would possibly kick back in, it was an annoyance instead of a reality. Her meaning was that she wanted to treat this as a new diabetic with education and medication. Our meaning became quite more.

While Jason was getting some education from the pharmacist and getting blood work done. My thoughts were feeling very tender. My heart was a little heavy. I also could feel there was a steady stream of tears just waiting to spill over. I wouldn't allow my heart to speak just yet....my head however was telling me to suck it up and stop it. He was fine. He was considered cured, what a baby I was! These are the same "sort" of thoughts I had the entire 8 months he was in treatment, the entire bone marrow transplant and every time he'd get a cold after.

When we got to the car, it was a little quiet. Jason expressed that he needed to eat and that was an overwhelming appointment. I said "got that right". He asked me to explain. I told him to go first. ;) And he asked me if I would because he felt like crying and didn't want to....well that didn't help me any!

I told him I was sure it was the same thing just different perspectives. I said "it feels a little like the day we were told you had cancer" "it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under us...again."

We realized that we've been skirting around his diabetes.... I think hoping his pancreas really would kick back in. Diabetes for us, is a reminder of one of the most defining moments in our marriage. A reminder of all the Dr. visits, all the medication, all the physical pain, let alone the emotional pain. It was a blessed time, but still hard. Having your life span in question...and wondering if you'll be trekking the rest of your life alone...big thoughts! Thoughts I don't think we ever truly addressed.

I realized we had kept a big band aid over a wound that's never truly healed. It was like our Dr. ripped the band aid off and told us it's best to just let it bleed and have air. It never feels good when a band aid gets ripped off. It hurts! But it's for the best. We truly want to completely heal.

I guess we got our defining Diabetic moment.

The blessing of all this though...is my love for Jason grows and grows. Not in leaps and bounds, but in tender moments. When I put his feelings ahead of my own. When I want to protect him from people and hurt feelings. When I'm able to take care of him, when he doesn't ask. (like he EVER asks!)

He's an amazing man. He has such a tender spirit. He has an amazing gift of forgiveness. He has an even larger ability to be kind. (despite what his siblings say!) He has the best laugh....and an even better hug. He always provides what we need. He has an amazing work ethic. He is always fair (except for cookies ;)) He has a beautiful testimony of the Gospel and treats his Priesthood with the utmost respect. He's an example I'm proud for my children to have in their lives. I consider myself one of the luckiest women...even on my bad days, I NEVER forget how lucky I am to have him in my life.

So here we go....to take care of the Diabetes. I can actually feel a difference. I'm always amazed at how the Lord takes care of us. How he gives us the right blows at the right time. There are no accidents and truly He is in charge of every minute of our lives. What a blessing!

For all my friends that are picturing me on the bathroom floor in my prom dress ;) (that's for you Brit ;)) I'm doing okay. I'll be better. I'm going to feel this, this time. I feel a little sad and overwhelmed. BUT...the Angels are attending me today. I can feel the love of the Atonement and my Father in Heaven. So I know I'll be better than fine. .....and a nap is defiantly in my future today! ;)

DANCE DANCE DANCE

2011-02-04T22:41:00.000-08:00

What a night!

It didn't start out too well. Once again...Sam gave me opportunity to be crazy mad...and everyone lived! ;) Let's just say he didn't make the best decision and didn't give me the whole truth!

That said...we went to our ward talent show...in the heat of the above.

It was just what we needed! We all laughed and had a great time with our new ward and saw our friends. ;) I hope all my Vernal girls were sitting down when you read that....yup, I made some friends!!! YEA ME!!!!!

At one point Sam was with his friends half way across the cultural hall. I caught his eye and gave him the classic guy head nod (learned that on my mission, thanks Elders!) so he knew I was still watching to see how he'd make up for being a pill earlier.

As I nodded....he slowly leans forward till someone in the row in front of him kept him out of my eyesight. I laughed soo hard. Good times.

On the way home, 'Dynamite' came on and we turned it up and had some awesome "seat dancing". (definition: you dance in your seat while in the car) And it gave me an idea.

Once home I had all the kids get in their pj's, sam checked himself and I got things situated.

Then we DANCED!!!!! AND DANCED!!!!! AND DANCED!!!!!!!

Bless Sam's heart....he honestly didn't know how to dance. I asked if he wanted some help. He sorta looked at me funny. I then had to give him my "credentials...or background" that I used to go dancing with my boyfriend every FRI and SAT night...and I wasn't too bad! HE LET ME!!!!!

He can sway like a true Deacon now! ;)

We had the best hour of dancing. I've decided I'm going to work at keeping this regular, so they can all dance with confidence when they turn 14!

ahhh, music!

OH MY MUSIC....................

2011-02-03T23:02:00.000-08:00

Whoops....I put all my pictures on a separate drive...and it's upstairs....and I'm tired! Sorry...no pictures for this post. :(

Tonight was a sweet Mother/Daughter sort of thing. BUT...as I've professed on more than one occasion (and hate to admit, because some actually think it!) I'm failing as a mother! I got the VH1 memo...just today!

McKelle and I were watching VH1's 100 greatest artist. As it got to the REALLY good ones, Duran Duran, Def Leopard, AC/DC, Elton John, Genesis, Aretha Franklin...THE BEATLES!.....I could go on and on. I would ask "do you know them?" On ALL accounts the answer was "NO"!................. OH MY WORD!!!!!!!

Then we had the following conversation!

Me: "I have failed you McKelle...you should know all these people...at least some!"
McKelle: "it's okay, you're just stuck in the 70's and 80's"
Me: "I'll have you know that a 14 year old told me, unsolicited, that I had really cool music!"
McKelle: deer in headlights "well, you don't have dynamite"
Me:....got on my phone...downloaded it and turned to her "there....what else ya got?!"

SO! It's on! itunes will be VERY happy with me in the next little while. My kids will know the greats....most were freaks....but they were brilliant freaks! AND I salute you!!!!

And FYI.....being told I'm stuck in the 8o's....not an insult! ;) They were good to me!

Some catch up, cause really...it's been too long!

2011-02-02T10:18:00.000-08:00

There's no possible way to get completely caught up! BUT..here are some of the "better" highlights!

Since being here, my health has kinda gone to the gutter. The good news is that I've found a Dr. that doesn't just throw pills at me. She's actually searching and getting to the root of the problems going on. I'm feeling so so grateful for her and Heavenly Father putting her in my path! So...yea me! The rest of my life is below. ;)

Jason has been amazing while my health has been worked out. He's amazing anyway. He's struggled with some personal feelings with people (plural) in his life...which makes me want to throat punch them....but he's so forgiving and genuine in what he does. Sometimes I wish we could all see each other how their spouse does. Overlooking what we fall short in and focusing on what we love. I should stop before I say too much. (it's a problem I have!)

Sam got the picture this post....for the reason below...it helps to remember how cute he was (is)!
Sam informed Jason and I the other night that he's ready to date. I was so glad it was in the car...and it was dark so he didn't see my eyes stick to the back of my head from rolling them so hard! That and keeping my laugh hidden..... this is what Jason said to him.

Sam: "I decided I'm going to go ahead and date"
Jason: "how are you going to go get her, on your skateboard? How are you going to pay for it?"
Sam: "my points" (we give them points for doing jobs or favors...every 3 months they get to purchase something or do something)
Jason: "yea, the movies don't take 'points' and we don't give points for that"

I'm considering drinking instead of dealing with teenagers! ;) so kidding!!!! (in case those of you with no humorous funny bone thought I was for real!)

I'm praying the other kids are watching and Sam makes good choices. And then we can just stomp out other fun and interesting problems! Good night!!!!!! Now I see why my parents basically tried to keep me in a straight jacket! I'll let ya know how it turns out. (look for Vodka bottles ;))

McKelle is being the shining star she was meant to be. I really have to watch her for her things going on. Bless her heart...being taller than most kids her age is not fun. I'm so grateful for the youth in our ward. They have been so great to her (and Sam) and accepting. She is just pushing forward and doing her best in most things. Sam actually made the comment "I know I don't do things perfect like McKelle but...". (I corrected him..no worries!) She's a good girl.

Ben....sweet Ben! I'm worried for him to go to Middle school next year and how he'll deal with that. I am at a lost as to how to prepare him for this. I never worried for the other two...anxious, but not worried. He's amazing. He has defenses. He's the weird guy that has zero social skills. My heart aches for what's ahead for him, he's not like most kids. His heart is soo sensitive. His Spirit is even more so. BUT...if you ask him. He's good! A few bumps here and there, but happy! ;)

Zoie......I could throw her teacher through the nearest window! She has put such "importance" on this homework she sends home that Zoie gets sick over it. (literally) If it's not all just perfect and I haven't dotted all the i's and crossed all the t's...the day it's due, she gets a stomach ache. Bless her heart. It wouldn't be such a big deal...but she sends a lot of homework home...plus reading. Which for one maybe two kids...not a huge deal. Let's put a couple teenagers into the mix! We're getting through it though....just can't wait for the end of the year to be rid of this lady!!!! Other than that...she's our Zoie. Flits and flitters through out the house singing whatever musical she's watched last. (this week it's 'Thoroughly Modern Milly' and 'The Music Man') So cute!

So there ya go! I've soo missed blogging. I realized just how much I journal while blogging and work things out! Love it!!!! AND....love you!!!!! Mwhaaa!!!!

No need to read.....just a journal entry ;)

2010-11-12T11:26:00.000-08:00

I'm at a very weird point in my life. And I don't like it yet I'm unsure how to change it. Here are some examples:

I'm completely jealous of anyone that can become pregnant. I feel a literal hurt when I hear someone is pregnant. And yet...I'm grateful I'm not doing diapers and am moving on in our children's lives.

I hate where I live and how my life has changed. And yet...I honestly don't know what I want it to be.

I hate working and not staying home all the time. And yet....I don't know what I would be doing with my time anyway.

I want to cry and scream wanting family. And yet....having (most..all but 2) not give a rats ass or not knowing they care...which feels the same.

THANKFULLY my constant is loving my husband and feeling so blessed with the children I was given!

I so want to be positive about the rest. I so want to be happy with the rest. I am frustrated being open to a new life and honestly being surprised at how I hate it. I know it starts with a desire....got that...it's just not feeling enough!!!!

I'm not sure I've been this negative in a post. So so apologize. BUT I use this as a journal as well....and felt it was important to remember.

License Revoked..............................

2010-11-05T14:22:00.000-07:00

Mother of the Year called and said thanks but no thanks! OH and my mommy card is offically revoked for a couple reasons.

Reason 1: I did not think about, ponder on or even blink toward touching and purchasing let alone carving ONE pumpkin this Halloween season! WHO DOES THAT?!

Reason 2: Here is a conversation I had with Ben last night that not only kept me up all night, I can't stop thinking about it and what I've done to create this!

It will probably make some of you laugh (which is why I adore you!), others of you judge (keep it to yourself....I'm way harder on me than you could be!) and some cry (which I did as well!).

Jason, Ben and I were watching a little tv before bedtime routine started and an Amber alert came on, which alone is so sad! As we listened and waited for regular programing to come back on Ben blurts out.....

"Stealing a kid is so stupid. Why would anyone want to steal a kid, we're worthless!"

I still can't believe he said that. I asked him why he thought that, to which he replied:

"we're worthless. All we do is eat, sleep, go to school and a few chores"

I was so stunned I didn't say anything other than "you're not worthless....you add a lot to our lives" then listed a few of my favorite things about him.

I can't stop thinking about this statement. What child thinks children are worthless?! I honestly don't even know where to begin. I'm crushed as a mom that my own child doesn't think he adds much to life as we know it. I've started to really go through things I say/do to see what we can do about that raw honest statement and turn it around.

I know Ben knows we love him. I know he loves us and our family. So the foundation is there. This older kid business is HARD! I never thought I'd say this.....and I mean NEVER! But changing diapers and nap schedules seems a WHOLE LOT easier!

Like I said.....mommy card revoked! :(

Washington..............................

2010-10-28T19:01:00.000-07:00

I have a confession of not so nice proportions. I'm not liking Washington. I really really realllllly want to and it's just not coming! The weather BLOWS and it's SSSOOOOOO expensive to live here. I don't like that I've had to go back to work part time...which actually feels more full time. My routine is completely foreign to me and the "rhythm" of Washington is just different. They friend different here, it's just different.

NOW. To counteract my boo hooing......! My family is happy and thriving! Jason is doing so well at his job. He has a great support system here and is really doing well. As well as he wasn't in Vernal.

My children are soooooo happy! They ALL have friends they do stuff with. They are all doing well in school and actually made the comment they don't didn't know if they would choose St. George over Washington. That's big...HUGE! St. George has always been the "mecca" of happiness for my kids.

So for that I am very grateful. I want them to be so so happy. I worry about these teenage years we are headed into especially being in the "mission field" but I have such confidence in my children.

That's all. That's why I haven't blogged. I'm so stinking busy working I barely even have time to check Facebook!!! I know....perish the thought! ;)

Our home..........................

2010-10-13T16:34:00.000-07:00

WELL....the video of our home never worked. :( It won't upload and I'm tired of trying to make it! So still pictures is all ya get. It feels a little anti-climatic if ya asked me...but! So I'll give ya a "tour"

Below is a panoramic of our street. We love our neighborhood. Great neighbors!!!!

This is the front....you can't see it because it's all shadowed, but we have a blue door?! Still NOT complaining!
This is a panoramic of our backyard....and there's some that didn't make it into the picture. And the kids keep it poop free! I've been ever so impressed with them!

This is the view from the kitchen of the front door. The door with the wreath leads into the garage. Just inside the front door to the right (looking from this angle) is a half bath. That closet is our pantry.

Our living room. I have a picture project I can't seem to get done! But said I wouldn't put it up till pictures were in the frames! (your welcome Tari! ;) ) That closet is a coat, blanket and games closet. This is looking from the kitchen as well.

The kitchen! How I ever cooked or did anything in my previous kitchen I'll never know!!!!

This is a panoramic of the dining, kitchen, living looking from the front door. Sorry it's a little dark.

This is the upstairs "loft" area. I'm standing at the top of the stairs. The first door is the boys' room, washer/dryer then the girls' room and then a bathroom. Our door is flush with the wall. I didn't do the best at this panoramic but you get the idea. ;)

This is our boring boring bedroom. I swear I think of "trading spaces" EVERY time I walk into our room. I really want to do something nice this next year....we'll see!

Our bathroom....where NO children are allowed! It's absolute heaven!!! Two sinks!!!! A big ol tub!!! Shower!!! (and yes a toilet...but that's not exciting. )

And my FAVORITE part of the house.....our closet!!!! (again panoramic) It's the length of the bathroom. You can see the opening in the picture above. I love love love it! And never thought I'd have such a large closet space to let my shoes know how much I love them!!!! ;)

And that's our home! I still love it. I still pinch myself every now and then. I would still love have to have any and all of you come and visit!

That will conclude our tour! Hope you enjoyed it!!!!!

Until tomorrow...........................

2010-10-12T21:02:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to get video of my home...I even cleaned today. It's not going well....so I posted this instead! Enjoy! :)
I'm pretty sure there isn't a cutter kid on the planet! WHY he hasn't been discovered is beyond me! ;) Before we headed North to Monroe, we went south to see family for awhile. Jason and I took Deacon shopping...this is what happened! :)

I haven't posted about our two other "children" in awhile, so I thought I'd put a picture of them snuggling. So cute!!! As you can see, Chuck is quite a bit bigger than little delicate flower Bindi. And he still has about 2-3 months of growing left to do! OI!!!!

This is my favorite missionary out here in Monroe....I know he's getting transferred soon and I'm totally bumbed! He reminds me in every way of my Drakers as an "adult". (the " " is because we all know missionaries aren't adults yet, but you get the point! ;)) He found this awesome suit and just had to wear it to church no less. Gotta love em!

Mckellerella................................

2010-10-09T00:30:00.000-07:00

Could this little girl get any cuter?! AND...she's not such a little girl! She is seriously one of my greatest blessings in life. What I did to have her come to my home?! It's a mystery!

We are as different as night and day, which I know sounds like a good thing, but raising a child that is so different from me....not always the easiest. But she is soooo patient with me and willing to just be a good girl! Case in point:

We were watching Glee this last Tuesday. I'm not gonna lie when I say....I was completely shocked and hurt by some of the actual sentences uttered to 'make a point'. The good news is that it opened an opportunity for Jason and I to have a beautiful conversation with our children about how Satan works and what the Lord has provided to protect us. McKelle immediately asked if we could read scriptures. We turned the thing that made our home feel yuck off and read. I was so grateful. I remember thinking of the scripture "and a child shall lead them" ....or something like that.

I kept kicking myself for not shutting it off sooner. I was holding on to some sliver of hope that they'd pull it out in the end. Which they sorta did, the best way Hollywood knows how. (later....after children were tucked in....I had to know if I could keep watching it!....it's on probation)

My point is actually that it was her birthday today! She's 12!!!! Her only wish was to have dinner with just Jason and myself and go shopping. (her gift) We had a really great time and she went to bed just beaming. That's good right?!

Thank you to those that wished her a Happy Birthday. A lot of family didn't....which is a whole other post! ;) I have to get my feelings in check or ....WOW!

Feels sooo good to be back journaling. I didn't realize how I've missed it! AND how it really was journaling!!!!

Drum roll please......................

2010-10-05T13:19:00.000-07:00

Wow!!! After how long we finally have Internet!!!! Whoo Hoo for us! ;) I was going to do my video of our home and well.....Jason accidentally deleted it from my phone....and it's a mess right now! So! ;)

Instead I'm going to journal Miss Zoie's baptism! I have to say this experience was one of my favorite. Usually baptisms have been with all the children on a Stake level. It just didn't feel as personable. Zoie's birthday fell after their Stake date so they let us have it whenever we wanted.

The Spirit was so strong. Jason and I were both so moved by the sweet feelings that were there. I feel like part of it, for me, was that this was our last. I felt like I had reached a "life marker" in my life. We were ALL accountable!!!!! :)

Zoie planned it all. She had McKelle and Ben say the opening and closing prayer. And she asked her Sam to give a talk on Baptism and her Aunt Monique to give a talk on the Holy Ghost. I was so proud of Sam. He did a great job. He was super nervous, but pushed through it. (another proud mommy moment)

Our ward was so supportive!! Even though we are super new to our ward we had all the Primary Presidency there along with other members of our ward. It was very moving for me to have such support. Our sweet Primary President came into the bathroom just as Zo had walked in after her baptism and snapped this shot. I can't begin to thank her enough for capturing such a sweet moment. (below is that picture)

Jason and Zoie before the baptism. She was so excited....can you see it in her eyes?!

I so appreciated and was very excited about all the family support we had. The Seattle area is just close enough that having family gatherings work!!! Zoie was very appreciative as well. She said "Mom, it's really cool that they all came, huh?!"

It was a sweet moment I'm so grateful to have a place to journal about it. Thanks to all that made it extra sweet!!!!

And I'm back! So keep checking back!!!!! ;)

Be patientish........

2010-08-09T22:04:00.000-07:00

We haven't hooked cable up yet...so I can't blog! I have pictures of the house coming soon...actually A VIDEO!!!!!! Gotta hang the pictures up first! ;)

We had the missionaries over tonight! Which I LOVED!!!!! The one looks EXACTLY like my nephew Drake! It was like looking at him as a missionary...mannerisms and all! It was all I could do to not hug and kiss on him like an Aunty would! I did tell him so he wouldn't be all creeped out by me staring at him.

Now I miss my Drakers! :(

Living life...............

2010-07-24T16:17:00.000-07:00

With this move we've had the opportunity to visit with friends and stay/visit with family. Jason and I are the oldest...or the older....grand kids on each side. So while our children were small everyone else was either in HS, dating, college, missions or all 4.

Now they've all married and are reproducing themselves. It's a little surreal to be the one with the older children. To be the one not running around after them and when I've laid the rules out...they obey. It's interesting to watch the different methods of dealing with the same problems or challenges of raising a child/children.

I guess being seasoned isn't all that bad! I'm not pointing fingers at ANYONE, everyone has their own ways of doing things. As long as I don't have to pay for it or it doesn't hurt my own children...what you do is your business. What I AM saying is how grateful I am for my children and how they've turned out thus far.

They really are good, obedient children, willing to help even when they don't want to and can see the difference in Spirit and routine from one home to the next (whether friend or relative). I love that they are honest with me about me as a mother and I love that they love our home....and I don't even have to reward them for the compliment! ;)

Here's hoping the teenagerhood turns out as well as the childhood seems to have! Oh and no worries....I'm not living in the land of delusion that we don't have faults or could have done some things different or better....just so not the point this post!

Our new home...............

2010-07-23T15:58:00.000-07:00

I got this off the rental company.....THIS IS OUR NEW HOME!!!!!! I know right?! I don't how we are going to live up to our White Trash reputation....I know...we'll have a UFC fight night! ;) (that was just for you mom!)

Washington................

2010-07-23T14:40:00.000-07:00

I figured out how to get photos from my iphone here....it took some work! I thought I'd journal a little of what's happening in our time thus far in Washington! We found out just today that we got the home we applied for...so more pics will be coming soon!!! We are very excited about it and quite frankly feel a little guilty that we do?! I don't know...go figure!!!!

Below: This is Miss Ava and Zoie. Ava is a hoot! She is VERY observant of the world we've been given. She'll be walking, stop and point to a field and say "isn't that just beautiful?"..all with the cutest lisp.
We are back in the land of shopping! First stop...TARGET!!! I found this super cute bag...and I love it!!!! Can you see Zoie's wounds?! She kissed the asphalt right outside while riding her scooter. It was actually a bad fall...instant bruises, etc. She's good though! Don't be too jealous of her outfit! ;)

Right next to Mike and Monique's home (Jason's sister whom we are staying with!) is a dog park. It's actually really really cool! There are quite a few trails to walk and a big open area the dogs can run and play with one another. There are tennis balls all over the park with water provided to quench the dogs thirst. The kids take the dogs like 2-3 times a day! They both love it and get to experience other breeds of dogs.

Although....there was a know it all lady that accused me of neglect to Bindi. Saying we didn't neuter her or feed her well. She actually said this to my BIL when he took them with the kids...she's lucky it wasn't me! Seriously.....me not take care of my dogs! I dare her to call the animal police! Anyway......;) We still love love love it there...this is one of the trails.

And last but certainly not least are my "Whoo-Hoo" shoes. Miss Ava is holding them up for me. My SIL has the same size feet as I and her husband doesn't like these shoes so she gave them to me....I said "WHOOO-HOOOO"!!!!! Love them and they are super cute!

All in all we are having a great time here in Washington. I've already found a doctor who I love love and is assisting me with my weight etc! AND...he's not just throwing pills at me which I think is the best!

Thank you for all your prayers and well wishes. We feel so blessed and undeserving as always!

So far................

2010-07-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

Things are going well here in Washington....starting to find things we like and things we definitely don't like!

Commuting is one of the dislikes! I feel like I've barely seen Jason since he's been back to work. I know I complained a little when he was home for two stinking weeks....but I didn't not want to see him at all!!!! From his sisters home (where we are staying) it's a 35 min. commute, so we don't see him for lunch. :( And he has to leave early for work and doesn't get home till way later!

I think we will be looking in the city limits of Monroe so we can have family time! (which looking begins on Monday....first thing!!!)

The kids are loving it here! We are too! I LOVE LOVE LOVE the weather! I actually have gotten cold....at HIGH NOON!!!! It's only rained once in the past week and only been overcast in the morning! So far....so good.

**Please stop laughing....I know it's only one week out of 52 of the rainiest place in earth**

Keep your fingers crossed we can find a home quickly and that will meet all our needs!

We made it.......................

2010-07-11T08:17:00.000-07:00

Wow...that's a trip! Let me take you through my last 3 days...don't worry it won't be too boring! (I hope!)

Thursday morning I wake up once again to Jason jumping around a little like doing the pee pee dance but just getting something done for the day. I check our account and VOILA....money had dropped into our account! Who knew things could get crazier?!

We were off....well....sorta. We loaded up the rest of the things in the house, which I always forget how stinking annoying the last of the little things when packing, ya know?! That's why move in costs get high...a person has to buy all the crap ya threw out cause ya just wanted to get the move done!

Then we cleaned and THEN we were off! (after stopping to sniff sniff say goodbye to sniff sniff the best friend I've had in years sniff sniff! Luckily....she's not good at goodbyes either! :) Love ya girl!)

We made it to Park City by 6ish...at least we were in a different county. ;) Kids swam...Jason and I collapsed....right after we cruised through the outlet mall. ;)

Friday morning we had a slow start, let me rephrase...I had a slow start. Jason took the Tahoe and went and got new tires and an oil change. Then we were off again. We made a decent dent in our trip. The kids were great and the dogs did awesome! I was really proud of all involved!

We made it to Pendleton, Idaho....which you should NEVER stay at Best Westerns. I'm just sayin......it was hotter than HELL (inside the rooms) and they made us purchase a suite which is a fancy way of having 2 beds in 2 rooms...no different than a regular room with two beds. If it hadn't been midnight and we weren't sooo tired. I would have told them thanks but no thanks and went somewhere else. About 3am it finally cooled enough to sleep.

Saturday we literally got up and got the HE double hockysticks outadodge!!! We rolled into Everett about 4ish.

Let me just say this. I knew Washington has a lot of trees. We lived in Spokane for many years and have visited the Seattle areas tons. But when I have to navigate in my mind all I could think is "grrr...dang trees" ! I never realized how I would look through a field...see what I was looking for then navigate my way while looking through said field! ......dang treees! ;)

So good to be here finally!!! Jason has relaxed a 1,000 percent! Mike and Monique are very kind and great hosts!!! We are excited for our new adventure....even me! I so very much miss my peeps..or the day to day interaction of my peeps. But I really am excited to be here and start our new chapter. It's gonna be good!!!!! ;)

We're off................................

2010-07-09T07:40:00.000-07:00

We got our money from Lowe's yesterday morning and Jason was MOTIVATED!

We packed the rest of the car, cleaned our entire apartment and made it to Park City. Where we stopped for the night.

So today we are hoping to really make some progress on this hellasious trip!

I already miss my peeps....but am getting excited to start our new adventure....oh and for Jason to get back to work! It's just not natural for both parents to be home for TWO WEEKS!!!!!

Wish us luck!!!!!

First Annual Berezay Moving Extravaganza..........................

2010-07-01T15:30:00.000-07:00

(This picture was taken in October of last year. But it has relevance!)

I thought I'd give ya an update on the latest Berezay moving extravaganza!!!! (you sense the sarcasm right?!)

So. When Jason was given his last day at the Lowe's in Vernal and when he was scheduled to start in Monroe....the area and regional HR (human resources) were in some conference in California. I'm gonna go with playing but whatever! ;) So Jason's paperwork sat till they got back....the Friday AFTER he was already suppose to be in Monroe!

Well...thanks to his new HR manager he stirred whatever pot needed and things have started to move. Actually....I think the powers that be realized they are paying an employee for NOT working. And we know how much corporate America likes that! ;) For once it's working to our advantage...sorta.

All his paperwork is stamped "urgent" or "rush", which is good. We finally have people calling us, etc. The bad news is....relocation still takes time.

So as of right now. The best case scenario is us leaving by Thursday and being in Monroe by Saturday. BEST CASE SCENARIO!

My brother happen to call when we were getting all this news and suggested we wait in St. George! So we literally came home...packed up the car, dogs and all, in 30 min and was on the road in 45! (that's how packed and ready to go we are!!!) Got into St. George about 11:45.

So glad we did!!! Being able to squeeze on my little nephews makes the time go faster...that and concentrating on not melting in 116 degree weather! (that I'm not kidding! :(.....) Thanks Mike...your the best brother ever!!!

So here we wait. We will maybe get a truck on Monday and will be packing that up! (we'll be home from St. George Sun night)

For all those goodbyes I've already made....they still stick! We just get to say "see ya later" from now on....do you hear me Tari?! ;)

No.......................

2010-06-16T11:12:00.000-07:00

This picture is about how I feel!

Don't get me wrong. I'm excited for the move. I feel it's the best thing for our family. I'm super excited for Jason and having a new store that sounds like it's running as it should. I'm excited to have Dr's....more than just OB or general.....at my finger tips. I'm excited to have shopping options.

Having said that. I'm soo super duper sad to be leaving my peeps! And I just made a whole new slew of them at girls camp! :(

Moving is interesting. As we've shared our news I've gotten a lot of "ah, sad.....so, " then on to another subject we went?! I don't know what I was expecting. Like a river of tears?! Good night!!!!! (and that good night was for me...not anyone else!)

All I can think of is a Friends episode (I know...shocking.) When Monica tells Rachel that Chandler is moving in and Rachel just says "ok". Monica gets all upset because she's not more upset and says the best line..."it's the end of an era.....some might say" ;)

I have to say my first good bye tonight and I'm very much feeling very anxious over it! I'm not the best at this sort of thing but really don't want to miss out on those sweet moments. Crap....another growing experience for me. Whoo Hoo.

Camp was awesome. and other life changes.....................

2010-06-15T14:28:00.000-07:00

I have a ton to catch up on and even more to do....so I'm just gonna blog!

First off....I accidentally erased ALL my camp pictures! I'm a little sick about it! So I replaced it with my super cute chillins running in a field!

We had such a great time at camp. So spiritual! And SOOOOOO weird being the leader! I would walk by one of the girls and they'd ignore me and I'd have to remember I was a leader. Or some of the cute 1st years would look at us with stary eyes and I'd wonder why...oh right, we're the leaders! Man...what goes around really comes around!

NEXT..... Jason had put in for a job (a step up in the Lowe's ladder) about 2 weeks ago. He interviewed and felt like it had really gone well. But he's felt that before so we chose to keep it quiet. I'm positive people get sick of us and our "almost" news!

Well on Friday after girls camp he called to see if they had made a decision. He was their top pick but had to get all the paper work ready and make the store courtesy calls.....the calls of "hey, we're taking this guy...that ok?!"

We got back this morning about 3 from a family reunion in Highland, UT. We were tired. But Jas got a call about 8:30. They had sent an offer.

We were up! Ran down and looked at the offer. Went to breakfast to mull it around. We can see how the Lord has guided us to this situation. Everything is just falling into place. Just like when we moved here to Vernal. The difference is.....I don't want to leave Vernal!

We signed papers and sent them off. It's official. Then came home and told the kids. They were ECSTATIC!!! Looks like I'm the only one super sad to go.

Vernal has been such a place of healing for me. A place I rediscovered myself with the help of a best friend and other priceless friendships! Words cannot even describe how much I will/am missing them.

Life is good though. There are new experiences waiting for us and things to get done! Change, I feel, is always exciting. Oh did I mention we are leaving on the 25th?! Yes, his first day is the 28th!!! No pressure at all!!!! ;)

Girls Camp..........

2010-05-29T16:27:00.000-07:00

I go to Girls Camp in exactly 7 days! I only know the number because while I'm "roughing" it my children will be swinging it with their super cool Aunt BB and Uncle Mike with Nana and Papa throwing in a healthy dose of love and attention!

They are under the impression that the sun will not rise till they get to St. George. They are also very concerned if Aunt BB knows how to cook healthy. (we've really been working at that!) If they have to share bikes. And Aunt Miriam's. (she's the one with the pool! ;)) Not once have they asked how they are getting home. When they will be coming home or if I'll miss them!

I'd feel bad except I'm really excited for Girls Camp. I've put a lot of heart, thought and work into it! Our theme is "Never a Better Hero". We were asked to pick a scripture hero with our assigned value. Ours was Divine Nature. What better example of being divine in mothering than the Stripling Warrior's Mothers!!!!

We have an amazing artist in our ward that so kindly made our logo! I can already see the Lord's hand in this experience and really wanted to share it with you!

One of the girls in our ward is SUPER shy. She is actually beyond shy! She is so kind and sweet but new experiences and being without those she knows is too much for her. She has to go on the 4th year hike. She was the only one from our ward going. She was not happy.

As we talked about the situation, her and I, she made the commitment that she would do it. That she would go and she would pray that Heavenly Father would comfort her. Basically that she would take the two steps into the dark to show her faith. I was just so proud of her. I could see and feel how much she was stretching.

Last week a family that used to live in our ward and had moved out....moved back in! And guess what.....their oldest is A 4TH YEAR!!!!!

All I could think about was the Atonement. (I know, I was surprised too) I kept thinking about how the stress and worry and fear she had was made up by the blessings and sweet release from our Father in Heaven! Such a miracle! I kept saying "Heavenly Father so loves Kara!!!!"

I'm excited to see what else pops up in this experience! Wish me luck!!!!!!

If you need a laugh look no further..................

2010-05-23T14:05:00.000-07:00

Who couldn't use a good chuckle every now and then....let my children provide one or two for you!

In sacrament today our YM president was speaking and saying what great YM we have. He mentioned a couple kids expressing he knew one day so and so would be sitting here (pointing to the Bishop) and so and so will be a Stake President and Sam Berezay will someday be in the Seventy.

To which my son pulls a classic Napoleon dynamite "yes" and hand gesture!

Jason and myself couldn't contain ourselves as the Bishopric joined in as well. Ahh Sam!

Then while preparing lunch, the kids are all playing in the living room. Ben and Zoie are playing something with a playhouse and Barbies...or action figures, whichever you ask!

All of the sudden we hear them "screaming" (not real...just the pretend) and then Zoie: Why are we screaming? Ben: I don't know....hurry!

Love those family moments! ;)

Barefoot Contessa and the Berezay's...............

2010-05-22T17:08:00.000-07:00

For the last couple days when Sam gets home from school (he gets home about an hour before the other kids) we've been watching the Barefoot Contessa. (a food show) We always end up saying something looks really good. So we chose a couple things and made them today!

I'm so impressed with my kids. They really are not picky eaters. I guess my selfish "I'm not a short order cook" paid off in some respects. I love that they are open to eating new things. SO.....I made a short "photo diary" of our adventures today! Sam really liked this idea...he likened it to "Iron Chef"...not quite but it was hilarious listening to him!

FIRST.....we made cheese cakes....basically good for you cheese sticks...but we made "cakes".

SECOND......popcorn balls (I'll admit, I made this just in case it was gross and needed a bribe to at least take 1 taste!) but it was a new recipe....which still counts!

....ran to Smith's for Fennel......
THIRD...... Fennel!!!! I know! Fennel!!!!! We put it on our salad.

FOURTH.....Zucchini cakes
And this was the final meal! Yes....I'm brave not dumb! I made Mac & Cheese just to ensure the first thing out of their (and when I say their, I mean Zoie!) mouths wasn't....Ewww!

I'm please to say that the results were very positive!

**Fennel not so much...they ate it but I don't think it will be reappearing anytime soon, which is fine since it was very expensive...much to my dismay!

**Zucchini cakes were a HIT! And they aren't sweet...they have onions, salt, pepper.

**Healthy Cheese cakes were a hit as well!

I love how healthy it all was! AND....it induced a conversation about starting a garden! I know....blow me over!

We had a lot of fun! Check back....we have more recipes for tom!!!!!

**If any of these sound good to you and you want to try...email me and I'll email the recipe to ya!

Best Week Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-04-19T12:44:00.001-07:00

So Jason's schedule this week he had M,T off and S, Sun off as well....so he put in for 3 vacation days and I had him home ALL WEEK!
Being as it was my birthday week....I got waited on hand and foot! We got little projects done around the house, didn't fight ONCE and got a glimpse of what retirement might look like....let's just say I CAN'T WAIT!

To add a cherry on top, my Dad brought my two nephews out for a visit! I just love these boys and can't get enough of them!!!! We had a lot of fun and hope they did to!

I can't believe I'm the age I am! (39) and well....yuck! But we are just going to focus on the best week ever! ;)
A friend of mine has these mustaches....she let me swipe a few. The kids love them!

This is me and my cute T! How I adore him!!!!

Drake is the cutest and quite the character! The kids just had so much fun with these boys! Thanks to Brit and Mike for allowing them to come!

Invisable woman and night crawler..................

2010-04-14T10:42:00.000-07:00

I so hope you can see this! This is my first Birthday well wish of this year. My sweet Ben made it for me. He's so creative and SOOOOO into super heros! I just love this card!!!!!

Isn't she lovely....................

2010-04-12T17:40:00.000-07:00

I keep thinking of the Stevie Wonder song "Isn't she lovely" when I watch McKelle. She is turning into such a lovely young women...and yes, she's only 11! Her Aunt Monique sent her some gorgeous clothes (thank you!!!!) so we had to take a pic. Love ya Kelle!

On a "lighter" note.....we've been making a lot of dinners at home, which I'm loving!!!! I've learned how to make onion rings. Had to take a picture of Sam's burger. (his version of a Burger King Rodeo Burger) My kids LOVE spinach, which I love! Mmmmm, just looks so good!!!!

What?

2010-04-10T13:44:00.001-07:00

I've been "accused" of over indulging my dogs. I'm just not sure what they are talking about! ;)

New Traditions......................

2010-04-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

Best idea I've had in awhile! For anyone that knows me....I like to make life easy! I'm always up for fun and traditions....but sometimes...they are just plain messy and more headache than they feel worth it!

This year we decided to make Rice Krispy Easter Eggs instead of dyeing them. I formed a round cookie cutter to an oval. Made frosting....colored it and had colored sugar to top them off.

They were a HIT! AND....there was easy clean up...no t-shirts were destroyed by vinegar and dye, and we won't be eating egg salad for a week!!!! :)

Just to give an update on our "baby"! He is growing like a weed! He's almost as big as Bindi...and he's only 5 1/2 mo!

This picture cracks me up! He was laying like this....his head is up because I moved to take the picture! He's a funny one!!!

Background Music.......................

2010-03-31T17:44:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wish life would come with background music? I ALWAYS think about this while watching a movie!

Think about it..... your kids would know how to react because they would hear the ominous music playing and know to steer clear. Or hear the sad weepings of a violin to know ya just needed a hug. Or jokey jokey music playing and know when to ask for something.

Friends would know when your feeling sad and lonely by the sweet song of sad and lonely.

Husbands wouldn't have to awkwardly try to figure out what sort of mood we were in...romantic, sexy, crabby, playful, spunky.

When we gather we would know who needed the most attention by their background music...

No one could pretend all was well and would get their needs met!

Trust me....I'm the first to hide hide hide and work at pretending! Just think how balanced we'd all be with background music in life! I'm just sayin!

Idiot of the year .................

2010-03-22T17:50:00.000-07:00

I'm quite sure I'm the biggest idiot of the year! Just look at all my posts...but this one is the real ass kicker!

Friday night we went to a RS dinner thing for couples. We went out afterwards with another couple in our ward for desert and let our kids play together. By the time we got home and got kids to bed it was 10:45. Jason didn't have to work the next day. So we decided to go stand in line for the release of New Moon. McKelle has been soo good to not but us about it but did make mention of it. I really wanted to have it there for her in the morning.

So we went. Smelly people, long wait, tired, people cutting and others getting irritated. UGh!

We got our movie and left. Got home, took it out of the bag. WE HAD BOUGHT TWIGHLIGHT!

I was sooo soooo bugged and bummed. I felt extremely sad and grrrr!!!!! Jason was the hero of the day...got up early and went back to Wal-Mart and exchanged it! Idiot!

Sleep over...........................

2010-02-19T08:48:00.000-08:00

Don't worry....I know my children are more important than our dogs! ;)

This is Lucy (top) Bindi (middle) and Chuck. Lucy is Bindi's mom and Chuck's 1/2 sister! (Lucy's mom had one last litter....Chuck's!)

We got Bindi from our friends Shauna and Ryan (Lucy's owners)....they went out of town this weekend and I threaten her short of her life that we get to take Lucy when they go out of town!

She is great and the Bindi loves playing with her! They all get along really well....as you can see! These are the best sleep overs.....no prep, no planning, no entertainment and lots of snuggles! ;) Low maintenance....just like I like it!

There are no words...................

2010-02-17T13:14:00.001-08:00

There are just no words on how cute one girl (or puppy) can get! Zoie has been complaining that Mrs. Holmes (her school teacher) looked fuzzy sometimes! So we got her eyes checked and she takes after her mom...she has an astigmatism in one of her eyes....so glasses she got!

She has LOVED wearing them and takes such great care of them too. I think she likes that we have something more in common. ;) Ahhh, too cute!
Our little Chuck is doing great! He actually scratched at the door the other night to go out! I was too excited!!!! If you know me, you know how much I HATE potty training!!!! (don't ask why I got dogs!)

Chuck has captured our hearts and is sooo part of the family! Jason LOVES him and it has squashed any and ALL fights...I mean disagreements ;).....we EVER had about Bindi. Life is good!

Chuck is a true guy. He loves to sleep on his back?! This is how we usually find him.

For the first couple weeks he slept in this drawer. He couldn't get out and it kept him nice and warm. Bindi wasn't so sure about sharing her bed with him either. He's now outgrown the drawer and Bindi has come to adore him just like us! They sleep nice and tight every night! (enter sigh of relief here!)

Belly Laugh for the day..................

2010-02-08T13:57:00.002-08:00

I'm not a huge fan of this movie.....but this ONE clip makes me LAUGH OUT LOUD every single time!!!! And really...wouldn't we all love to do this to a person every now and then?!

Your belly laugh for the day.....Your welcome! ;)

YOU KNOW WHY! What happens in vegas

2010-02-08T13:57:00.001-08:00

What we've been up to.........................

2010-02-04T19:12:00.000-08:00

I'm not gonna lie....January seems to have SHOT onward and upward and is quite frankly leaving us in the dust! I can't believe how fast 2010 is going already!!!

I also am not sure of the "order" of things....as mentioned about January got a little fuzzy! ;)
This is Sam's music program. Apparently nice dress in Vernal is not the same to everyone! It was complete chaos but Sam had fun and loved that we were all able to attend. He did great! He's getting so mature (ish) and is handling middle school well.

We have a neighbor that we help with her kids a bit. She does cleaning for our complex and her husband is out of town a lot. This is Azy with Ben. I think she has a wee crush on him. I walked around the corner one evening and she was just lounging around with Ben....sooo cute!!!! The kids are great with the girls and the baby. We get extra cotton balls when we babysit as a family.

Jason and I have been talking about wanting another dog to keep Bindi company. Jason said he would like to have another boxer...BUT...it had to be fawn (coloring), male and he got to name him Chuck.....Meet Chuck! ;) He's almost 9 weeks old this Sunday. This was Jason's birthday present. It took a day or two for him and Bindi to bond, but they are great friends now!!! He's a fun puppy and Jason LOVES him!

The picture below was the day we brought him home...I had surprised Jason at work with Chuck....bad idea. Jason doesn't surprise well. But he loved the present none the less! We love Chuck! I actually love telling people his name because I get the "what the hell" sort of looks. ;)

The sad part of the month is Zoie's first best friend moved away this month. Her dad is a electrician that travels. They are home schooled so that they can stay together as a family. Zoie LIVED at their home. Her and Jenna were inseparable. I just loved their family and Jenna!!!! It was a sad sad sad day. I just felt for her so much. She's doing better but every once in a while will melt down a little.

One day we had come home from the grocery store. Zoie came out to greet us then ran upstairs. I heard her crying and immediately asked the boys what they had done. ;) Come to find out she had looked at the parking space Jenna's dad used to park his truck and there was a truck in it's place. For a split second she thought Jenna was back then realized it wasn't the same truck. She was sad. :(

Other than that it's keeping up with school work, church work, work work, Jason's work, the house, keeping our diets balanced and spring cleaning in Feb. (that's normal right?! ;))

Cough Cough..................

2010-01-20T11:48:00.000-08:00

I will be M.I.A. for a few weeks....here's why!

FIRST....my computer has the flu?! Actually I don't know what it has but it's not running right so off to the computer doctor it went! I'm almost dying with out said computer and my cafe on Facebook is suffering greatly because of it!

SECOND.....we will be moving! Not out of Vernal!!!!! We found a cute little house to rent! I am soo excited! I'll post pictures after we are in and the above is taken care of!

I'll be borrowing computer time any time I can so I won't be completely gone. Just know I'm crazy busy and NOT hiding out! ;)

Love you ALL!!!!!!

Funny AND wonder...................

2010-01-15T13:55:00.001-08:00

Alright cyberspace! Is anyone out there?! I don't necessarily do blogging for comments...and I'm considering taking them off because no one leaves messages in the first place! I do however like the comments because it makes me feel a little more connected to people. I work hard at not being hermit McHermitson and this is one of the ways! So assist a girl out won't ya?!

Unless.....am I that boring?! I'm beginning to wonder! I mean Zoie did tell me her teacher is funnier than me! Do I totally sound like a diva Princess...."mirror mirror on the wall, who's the funniest of them all!" ;) And I have to thank the 2 people that always comment.... Gretchen and Christina!

On a MUCH lighter note....I saw this commercial that I haven't seen in a while...it makes me BELLY LAUGH!!!!! Enjoy!!!!! ;)

Funny Orbit Gum Commercial

2010-01-15T13:54:00.001-08:00

I hope you're sitting down!............................

2010-01-13T17:17:00.000-08:00

Ben has never been a reader. He does it on grade level but I've never been able to find a way to get him excited about it. I've accepted it and just found ways to get him to read. (video game time!) Yesterday I came home to a phenomenon.....something I thought I would NEVER see!

I walked in the door from my chiropractor appointment....TV was on....and BEN WAS READING!!!!

I had to do a double take! I didn't say anything for fear it would stop, or I would wake up!

He had scouts so I packed him up....HE BROUGHT HIS BOOK!

As we were driving there I said "wow, that book must be really good!" Ben said "Yes, it's getting really exciting!" I left it at that...yet again a little timid to break whatever spell was going on!

Later that night he told me "I love reading this book...can we get the next one?" (It's spyderwick series) I said "Well, YES! I'm excited you found a book you want to read!!!"

Ben in classic Ben said "I know, it's usually all food and video games!" I couldn't help but laugh!

Oh and P.S.....he's already done with it! It is a chapter book and only every couple pages has a picture! I cannot believe it!!!!!

Foot Surgery......................

2010-01-09T06:50:00.000-08:00

McKelle had her foot surgery yesterday! She was such a trooper. This is my child that NEVER gets sick but once every blue moon. The child that NEVER complains about much. In fact....because of her foot she's been in some pain at night and never said a thing! Now that the major things are taken care of (cancer, diabetes) I can focus a little better. Kelle was first on the list of things to get done!

My scanner is...well....a piece of crap, so I'm not able to scan in the x-ray they gave us of what is in her foot...it explains it much better. Basically....she has one leg longer than the other. The long leg has been compensating for the short leg and rolling in, to where she's walking on her ankle almost. They went in and put what looks like a spark plug in her ankle area right in the middle. So that when she puts pressure on it, the screw will keep her from rolling!

She has been doing really well. I think she has a high pain tolerance and a low uncomfortable tolerance. I know...weird but true! I'm excited for her to be able to run and play with out looking like a hobbit!

This is us waiting for them to come get us....she was sooo nervous! Of course she has parents that can't stand uncomfortable nervous and crack jokes!

This is her after recovery. She kept waking up startled but was still so kind and sweet. The nurse said most kids, especially her age wake up almost angry, bugged, belligerent. She didn't...she's definitely the angel of our family!!!!
Can you tell she high?! ;) Liquid Lortab will do it to ya every time!!!!! She's doing well and hopefully doing even better by next week!!!!

Berezay Friends............................

2010-01-06T08:12:00.002-08:00

I love watching reruns of Friends. It's always a great laugh and sometimes that's just what a girl needs! I was watching this episode....... that is after this post.....just a clip so you can see what I'm talking about...... and two things dawned on me.

I really think people can be drawn to certain characters because they are the "best" version of themselves. And two.....the Berezay's could be 'Friends'!

Jason..... Chandler....always saying weird inappropriate things and has little clue on social situations and thinks he's hilarious. People don't always get him and yet we end up laughing at him!

Kim......Monica......I'm freakishly strong, freakishly clean (unless you looked at my house right now!) loud and shrill and you love me despite these things!

Sam......Ross....always giving animal facts (even dinosaur!) cool and geeky all in one! Can be sarcastic and is usually made fun of by......Jason!!!! ;)

McKelle.......Phoebe......she has a style all her own. Very generous, kind and loves most everyone. Is a little out there and is very much in her own world...very colorful!!!!

Ben.......Joey........food, food, food! He loves the "ladies". (his words, not mine!) and is the kindest most oblivious boy you'll ever meet!

Zoie.......Rachel....... she's pretty, she knows it, she's never left out and we all bend to her will!

It has brought more laughs since I made that ah-ha!!!!
(Please don't think less of me!!!!!! ) ;)

Friends - Joey Doesn't Share Food video Clip

2010-01-06T08:12:00.001-08:00

The game of LIFE........................

2010-01-05T12:21:00.000-08:00

We played "the game of LIFE" last night for Family Home Evening. We gave the kids their choice of which game to play and that's what they picked. I'm not gonna lie....I've never liked this game. I think I may have played it ONCE while a child. It's confusing to me and games need not complicate my life! BUT....majority rules in our home!

It was a comical night. Let me "paint" you a picture.

Jason with his bad back decided we should set it up on the floor (?!) in front of our space heater which everyone took turns getting their back burned by!

As he was setting it up we find that the girls ironically threw away the little pegs that go in the cars when they opened it up on Christmas Day. I say ironically because when I go to clean their room every 3-4 months I end up taking 2 bags of trash out...mostly paper! Go figure. Oh and they lost 2 of the cars. So we decided to play teams.

Jason is reading the rules to everyone. I was in the middle of texting my friend. When I look up we have the boys poking each other, McKelle staring off into the 'blue yonder' and Zoie going around in circles on her knees with Bindi inching her way to the board. I just started laughing...Jason got embarrassed and quit reading the rules. I've never seen the kids look more relieved!

So we start the game. Luckily my SIL April texted me for some of the beginning. When I joined the game (I was on Jason's team!) .....OI!!!!

Sam could not to save his life add the money. Nor could he add the payday raises given through out the game. We kept working on helping him, gave him various ways to remember and still nothing. At one point Jason said "Sam, what's one plus one".....Zoie that is usually in her own little world flips her head up and shouts "2"....we all just started laughing. Zoie getting why we were laughing says "a little girl should not be answering big boy questions"....ah, that got Jason and I really laughing!

Ben was mostly concerned about spinning and what type of car they were driving. Sam was concerned with what sort of dog they had and McKelle kept getting children! Jason and I TOTALLY kept cheating and looking at the careers and cards so we could get the best ones....don't worry....the kids never suspected AND we lost!

McKelle with her hording ways won with 5 million dollars! Sam and Ben came in second and we third. As we were getting up Miss I can't sit still to save my life (Zoie) says "ahh, my back!" as she's stretching it. Oh, the girl makes me laugh!

I think it will either be VERY soon or a great while before we play that game again! I'm praying for the latter! But honestly....it was the family time! So it was AWESOME!!!!!

New Year's Day Fun.............

2010-01-01T21:28:00.000-08:00

Our family loves movies! And we love quoting from them and recognizing actors from other movies....so we made a game this new years! The kids had picked out A Knight's Tale and we started from there. We chose one actor that we knew was in another movie then watched said movie...etc. If there were numerous actors associated...we took the least known! We only had to look up on IMDB once!

I will send a box of homemade chocolate chip cookies to whoever can associate each movie! I put them in the order we watched them! You don't even have to know the actors real name...just who they played in the movie!

Come on...it could be fun!!! It was for us! And just in case you are thinking and judging "what a waste of time!"....we cleaned rooms, folded laundry, did dishes, made dinner and played games TOGETHER!!!! It was great fun with the kids!

What we've been doing all month.............................

2009-12-25T10:13:00.000-08:00

Did you wonder what happened to me?! I didn't even realize it had been since the first of December since I had blogged. They ALMOST took my blogger card away! ;)

I thought I'd give a quick "rundown" of what we've been up to this month that thwarted my blogging!

Treats, Treats, Treats! And we didn't even get enough to deliver to everyone we've been thinking of! I'm going to have to plan this out a wee bit better this next year! :( I will say though, they were yummy and we received a bunch of yummy as well!!!!

Christmas programs! Well...only one! The kids are now getting older and they don't do as many programs as when they are small and LIKE performing. This is super blurry....but hey....I took a camera!!!!!!

Making snacks for the Christmas break. I'm not gonna lie....I'm not the BIGGEST fan of school break. My children seem to think our home is a buffet when on break. They suddenly forget that we need not eat every half hour on the hour! They also seem to feel anything is free game. So I'm working at thwarting that too! Hence all the yummy jello! (p.s.....it's working! )

In between the hustle and bustle, we were Secret Santa'd. (is that a word?!) It was soo fun and very generous. I won't lie...I felt a little guilty knowing there were so many other people in need. So I came up with a plan to repay just a little of the kindness we've been given over the years. (that and the kids were getting a bit "what about me"!)

I un stuffed a bear and got a couple bags of cotton balls. We had a FHE on service and read that we are serving our Father in Heaven when we do service for others.

For every act of service we give to someone else or for a family member, we get to put a cotton ball in the bear. When we are through....we'll post again! ;)

My youngest cousin welcomed his first child! Are they not the cutest?! I am sooo thrilled for him and his sweet wife! Love you Jamie, Kenny and Lola!!!!!

CHRISTMAS MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was SOOOOOOO excited about this gift for McKelle. One of my very best friends has a 'claim to fame' in that she lives next door to hunky Mr. Taylor Lautner! (wouldn't you love to be at the kitchen window when he's mowing his lawn?!?!?!?) When I found this out....totally pulled a best friend favor and she sent me a poster with his autograph! (we framed it) She was so excited...as was I! She is a HUGE HUGE Jacob fan! (thank you again Gretch!)

Sam and Ben got air soft guns from Gr. & Gr. Berezay. They were ecstatic!!!!!!

We also had a "Halo" Christmas. Halo Legos, game and paraphernalia. Whatever.....can you see hottie Taylor?! ;)

Little miss Zoie Balogne had a Polly Pocket Christmas! She also got her fake nails....covered in princesses! She was very excited about ALL of it!

Jason and I got a new camera!!!!!!! Whew....! ;)

Thanks for checking in and checking back! I'll be better....Christmas is OVER!!!!!! ;)

Grrrrrrreat.....................

2009-12-01T11:12:00.000-08:00

Is this not THE cutest picture?! It's Jason and my nephew Deacon. So cute!!!!

I've been a little bah-hum-bug this week. Sometimes I feel like my life runs away with me and all of the sudden it's Monday again! And all I can think is "what the hell?"

I want it all to slow down a little so I can enjoy just a little of it! I've been working at creating more fun things for my children. (hey Brit...did you notice I didn't put kids! ;))

I've also been working at not letting one minute of my day go to waste. Then all of the sudden I get all grumpy and want to just be for a minute or two. It's exhausting!

I'm a huge believer in balance. I think mine may be a little out of whack...but I can't really seem to let anything go! Grrr! I guess I'm blaming it on the holidays...bottom line. Which is not only dumb it's ungrateful!

To end on a super great note! Sam's Tree for Juvenile Diabetes went for $2500!!!!! So cool!

Awesome Details..................

2009-11-27T17:23:00.000-08:00

We have had a really cool experience! A couple weeks ago I got a call from a local Orthodontist in town. She said they were doing a Christmas Tree Auction for Charity and they were doing it for Juvenile Diabetes and wanted to 'showcase' Sam for it.

I'm not gonna lie....I was super excited! We missed the boat on doing anything for Lymphoma while dealing with it...so being able to do this for Diabetes is awesome! (Isn't the tree gorgeous?!)

I didn't tell Sam what was happening. I just told the kids we were going to see a bunch of trees that people had decorated. :)

When we got to "his" tree he wasn't paying attention. So I said "hey...look at this one" I got the teenager "huh"...then I pointed at the display and said "what do you think?"

He got the biggest smile. There was just such a cool feeling seeing him and his story. (they had me tell his story and they printed it up) I'm still a little giddy about the whole thing.

While we were taking pictures one of the girls that put it together came and asked if we liked it. I just gave her a big hug and said thank you for the chance to be apart of it....soo cool!!!! :)

A friend of mine talks a lot about putting the details into life. "It's all about the detail" We decided on the drive home to do another thanksgiving meal....mostly because we wanted left over turkey for sandwiches and we have 2 turkeys in our freezer! So I made our traditional meal. I went to the dollar store and did a little details. Under the napkins are little notes I made for each person telling why I'm thankful for them.

Ben walked in after I was done and says "did you get this idea yourself? Or a magazine? It looks like a magazine!" Yes....it's from a 9 year old....but still quite the compliment since Ben has zero filter! ;)

It's just been a great day! :)

Thanksgiving.................

2009-11-27T11:06:00.000-08:00

This picture is from last year. I wish I could say it's all because my camera is broken...but my sweet friend lent me a camera till we get another one.....I forgot it! Grrr!!!!

We went to Morgan, UT this year to spend Thanksgiving day with Jason's side of the family. His parents came to visit us for a couple days then met us at his Uncle's home. We were able to see a lot of family we haven't seen for literally years! So good to catch up and visit.

It was a long day of driving but still really fun! I felt sorta bad because I was so not on my A game yesterday! Woke up "weird" and never shook it off! Hate it when that happens!

Ben got his HUGE drumstick again this year which he loves loves!!!! The kids had fun playing with new cousins and playing with the ones they know! Jason was able to go shooting with his Dad and brother along with Uncles and cousins. He had a blast! (literally...haha get it?!)

We hope your day was fun and festive!

First Girls Night Out...............

2009-11-22T19:49:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of Kelle and I getting ready to leave for opening night of 'New Moon'.

For those of you who don't know me or maybe don't know this ABOUT me...I don't like crowds. I avoid them as much as I can. Black Friday... I'd rather clean Grand Central Station stalls with my tongue. I know....I really don't like crowds. When new movies such as the Twilight series or Lord of the Ring, etc. I usually wait for the DVD or until it's been out so long...barely anyone is in the theater.

My sweet daughter is the reason I was taking the crowd on. She has been reading 'New Moon'. I told her if she read the entire book we would go to the movie. She finished it last Friday...just in the nick of time. I thought about putting it all off till the crowds weren't so insane. Then my mommy alarm went off.... my BE A GOOD MOMMY alarm.

A friend of mine had stood in line for tickets and offered to get ours. We made a girls night out with some of my other friends as well. She was soo excited.

Heavenly Father must have been giving me an "atta girl" because we were able to buy tickets for the movie showing BEFORE new moon and then just stay in the theater. I've never been so grateful!!!

We loved the movie and had a great time! It was fun to see her have so much fun. Thank you to my friends for including her in all the fun. Oh and P.S.....I'm not gonna lie. I'm a huge Edward fan but they showed Jacob and I considered switching teams!!!!!

Big Hug, Big Kiss....Love ya!!!!!

2009-11-15T15:57:00.000-08:00

Today I had an experience that caught me a little off guard! Usually I don't like that but this was nice and safe! ;)

Our Bishop was released today. I didn't think much of it at the time (he's building a house and well...it's out of the ward! So no surprise it was coming!) but when they released him I felt such a surge of the Spirit.

I don't say this to offend any other Bishop I've had in the past, but I've only had 2 other Bishops that have touched my life in such a way that I know they assisted me in my progression and growth. He was one.

I was thinking about this as I was getting dinner ready. I feel like a lot of times we treat our leaders as if it's THEM that touched our lives. Which when they act "human" testimonies can be shaken.

Not that Wyatt isn't a great man. I just realized it was the WAY he's living his life that assisted our Father in Heaven guide Jason and I and bring assistance to us in our journey home. That by the small and simple he brought forth great things in I'm sure not just my life. It was by living by the Spirit that has assisted him assist our ward.

Our couple first Sunday's here in Vernal, I could see the Light of our Savior with him. I appreciate his wife and him for the way they are leading their lives to do good for our Father in Heaven. I appreciate the Example....that let's all cross our fingers, I can do better in my own life.

Like I always say....I'm a work in progress! ;)

So thank you Wyatt and Michelle. Thank you for living up to be of service to all of us. We love love love you and will truly miss seeing you ALL the time! :)

Enter change here.....................

2009-11-14T13:42:00.000-08:00

I love this picture....I've blogged about it before but it sorta depicts how I'm feeling! F.Y.I. the caption that goes with this picture is "Do one brave thing then run like hell!"

As a lot of you know I've been cleaning for our apartment complex. They take money off our rent. It's A LOT of work for lets face it...not much money. But it's assisted us when we needed it most.

My "agent" Tari (I'll explain why she's my agent in a min.!) has assisted me in getting the guts to go out on my own. We started asking around to see if anyone even really wanted me. They did!!!!

I am really bad about selling myself short. I tend to just low ball and then work myself to death. In enters my "agent". She has assisted me in making sure I'm getting paid my worth. When I get overwhelmed at the thought of charging.....I turn to her and she makes it better! Whether by convincing me I'm worth it or making me look at what I'm gonna have to do! (so if you don't like what I'm charging....put the burning crosses in her front yard!!!! ;) How are those bus tire tracks Tari?!) :) She has seriously been such an awesome cheerleader!!!!

My schedule is filling up fast...which makes me feel soooooo good! I'll be able to assist my family more AND still be there for them physically AND be able to actually see a few people I adore AND help them make their lives easier! Oh my word it's such a win/win/win/win!!!!

Life is good!!!!! Heavenly Father is amazing! I know He's been guiding me and assisting me get to this point! It's overwhelming to know He's so attentive to me and my family. (as he is yours!!!!)

What I learned from a friend......................

2009-11-10T20:39:00.000-08:00

Did you ever have a friend that ya just knew you were better for knowing? Other than family...and Jason :) , I don't think I've had a best friend since before my mission. Since moving to Vernal, this cute girl has been there since my first Sunday at church. It's her birthday tom. and so I wanted to give a HAPPY BIRTHDAY shout out. I've also been doing a little contemplating about myself and my life this past couple months. Allow me to connect the dots! ;)

Since the dust of NO cancer has settled and we are starting to get a resemblance of a routine back and started with Diabetes. I've been thinking about the differences in myself from 5 years ago. I can really see how I've grown and shifted. Which, I won't lie, is very nice!

5 years ago...I was/would be in battle mode. Which sounds like a good thing. But since I didn't really think it out, I went full force toward....? I didn't think about so many things. Then once Jason had gone into remission I had a complete melt down...and still didn't think things through or talk them out..... which made it even worse.

Since spending time with Ms. Tari, I've watched how patient she is. That not every situation calls for IMMEDIATE response. That sometimes a slow and steady beats the raging and bold. She has taught me to be bold in speaking with kindness backing it all the way. She has shown me how to be a good listener. To just be a TRUE sounding board and just say "I love ya"...instead of thinking I could/should fix it...or even attempt to fix! And the best thing about her.....it's all by example. That's just who she is! It has truly been a privilege to know her. (Don't worry Tari...you aren't up for saint hood just yet...but it would truly be rude to give ANY flaws on your birthday!!!! ;))

This go around with our cancer scare and Sam's diabetes. I've been able to "tap the breaks" and think a few things through. I actually admitted out loud and worked through weird feelings that came up for me. I say weird because they don't sound normal. (I'll explain more about that in my next post!) I learned that I'm not a very good marathon runner for life...more like I sprint from one experience to the next. I've worked my life "muscles" and am getting better at the marathon.

I've never been known for my patience or listening skills. In fact....the complete opposite. But this time I can actually see my progress a little. I'm so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven that is so confident in me. That is so willing to guide me gently in the direction that will benefit me and my family the most. So much healing and good came from this last month's struggle that I have NO regrets or remorse. I would do it all again.

And I wanted to make sure to thank all those that expressed (and silently expressed!) their well wishes and thoughts and prayers. We were truly carried through these experiences. We love you all so much!

Update round deux............................

2009-11-06T13:32:00.000-08:00

(***super old pic. but had to get a pic with both of them...remember...camera broken! :( !)
Much to update! Thank you first for all your sweet comments and words of encouragement. They have meant sooo much to us! We love you all!

So! Here's the scoop on Jason. We went to the Bone Marrow Clinic. The doctor explained it to us like this:
....when radiologist read a scan they have to report every little thing. The spot that they had found read 2.9 (whatever that is?!) and a normal scan would read 2.5. She said that at the time of the scan his lymph node was probably just working and doing it's job. If it were cancer...especially Lymphoma....it would read like 20., so it was not back!

We were stunned. It took us a couple minutes to have it sink in. I actually asked her "so we don't have to be here anymore?" ....Nope! I was out of there! Once we got in the elevator Jason just gave me a HUGE HUGE hug. I could feel the relief and comprehension. It was a GREAT feeling!!!!!!!

Cancer done....check!

Sam's update:
He is doing goodish. The newness and "ooo, look at all the attention I'm getting" has worn off. His meter doesn't seem so bright and shiny anymore. It's sunk in. We've had a couple melt downs, nothing too bad, but I get we've only just begun!

His sugar levels are all over the place. His body is still adjusting and getting used to the insulin. He's still getting used to the fact that anything he puts to his lips must be accounted for. He's already gained 6 pounds and doesn't look quite so clear. It's soooo nice to see him eating again!

We decided as a family (okay...I decided and totally manipulated the kids to get on board!) to count our carbs together. That's what a family does. We help each other and support each other. We've only had one meal and it's okay. We'll see how it goes. I just don't want him to feel isolated and alone. I fear he'll end up resenting the disease and end up with more issues than I'm sure he's already going to end up with!

I have A LOT of work ahead of me! It's a little overwhelming because I would honestly like to just take a nap! But Captain Kim moving forward! ;)

Thank you again for all your loving thoughts and prayers. They have truly been felt!

Sunami....................

2009-11-01T19:22:00.000-08:00

Well....I can't even believe I'm "reporting" this....but I am. Sam has Type 1 diabetes. I would say "when it rains it pours" but it has honestly felt more like a sunami! Let me tell you our story. The Lord is very giving at our home. Let's just start with that! (and not in a punishing way but in a very loving guiding way!)

We have been very concerned about Sam the last month. He has become sooo skinny. So skinny that I had to "prepare" my family when they came to visit this weekend. We thought he was developing an eating disorder. He would eat a lot sometimes and then nothing others. He was ALWAYS drinking and just being soooo grrr.

Like I said my family came to visit for Halloween. They got here late Thursday night. So good to have them here. They too saw Sam and were concerned.

Friday we hung out did various things (grocery shop!) and made cookies. Mike had taken Sam for a walk and he wasn't eating that day but drinking TONS. I was watching him to see any signs of stress, etc. I was really getting concerned by later that evening. He wouldn't eat dinner and said "I'll just eat some cheezeits" ....he took 2. (and p.s. didn't even eat those) So I took him upstairs to chat in private and really see if there was some stress I was missing.

As I was talking with him, I realized how honest he was being. AND he was sooo tired. He had dark circles under his eyes. AND he had that film a person gets on their lips when they are seriously dehydrated. Then it dawned on me....I started putting the puzzle together.

***When diabetics gets a high sugar level, they get really tired. Jason has used to go to sleep before...a whole other issue that he has paid dearly for by the way. They also drink a lot and don't get quenched and pee ALL the time. *****

I took him downstairs and got Jason's sugar meter reader. When I poked Sam....I seriously had to milk it forever to get enough blood to test. (another clue to the puzzle...had to much sugar in his blood and was making it thick) It read HI. Now our meter reads up to 600 then just reads HI. Normal blood sugar for an adult is 80-120...even less for a child. I was freaking out. Part of me thought it read wrong....so I waited an hour then tested again...HI. We went to the ER.

When they tested him it read 906!!!! (which by the way the Dr. and I figured out that some moron in the lab transposed the numbers! Maybe it was the bus drivers spouse?! ;) ...it ended up being 609, still cause for MUCH worry!) They were all shocked he was even walking, let alone awake. They had a hard time starting an IV because he was so dehydrated. They got one going...got some insulin and then admitted him to the ICU. It was a long night of blood draws, checking levels and peeing!

****Let me explain a couple things.***** When a person's blood sugar is that high they have to bring him down slowly or the person will seize or go into a coma. Brain swelling...nasty things occur. His body was so riddled with sugar that he went into what's called DKA. Basically he was starting to make acid in his body that was eating at his muscles. Essentially killing him. The nurse told us if we had waited through the night we might have a different outcome. ******

After all we've been through as a family, this one event freaked me out the most. I felt like I was the WORST mother of all time. Like I was so self involved I didn't notice these things before. I couldn't get out of my mind the image of looking at his back. If it were in black and white it would have looked like a concentration victim. I just couldn't forgive myself for missing it.

Last night this random lady (RN) came in and was talking to Sam. I could tell she was just wanting to be kind and let him know he's not alone. I think she was there more for me. She had missed all the signs as well...and she was a registered nurse!!!! I realized that these things just aren't "main stream" so we don't go there.

I have since forgiven myself and realized that at least the Lord inspired me before it became too late. Mother's intuition ROCKS!!!!!!

Sam is doing so much better. He's eating a TON! He's out of ICU and hopefully will be released tom. We have to get to Primary Children's hospital and get some training on Type 1...which is just different enough from Type 2 (Jason's diabetes). We also will be seeing a Dr. there and making him our permanent Endocrinologist. Sam's been such a trooper. He would only cry about 4am blood draws. He was soo sick of getting stuck. It's sinking in and he's accepting his new life partner. :)

Thank you to all our family and friends. You have all been such a support and lean to! I feel so blessed and completely indebted to you all! Thank you for all the well wishes and prayers in our behalf as well. I know I couldn't be positive or make it through without the Lord and his tender mercies and watchful care. We are just so blessed! Love you all!!!!!

What do ya do.....................

2009-10-29T21:19:00.000-07:00

So I wrote on an earlier post that they found some suspicious nodes on a cat scan. I've had a lot of people ask about what is going on...so I'm just gonna give ya the story. ;) I'll keep it as "entertaining" as possible. ;)

We had to wait on our insurance to okay the pet scan. (For those of you who don't know what a pet scan is....it's where they inject a sugar like dye into your body. Cancer feeds off whatever is in this dye. So it lights it up and they can see just where the cancer is or isn't.) Insurance did and we had a date scheduled. We made all the necessary arrangements. My friends were sweet enough to take our kids and we were on our way.

We had a great visit with Jason's brother and wife and then stayed with his grandparents...which was so fun. We got up at the unmentionable hour of 5 and was at the hospital by 6:15. They took him straight back and I settled in for my 3 hour wait. 15 min. later he came walking out. His sugars were too high and they couldn't do the test. (he got diabetes from the first go around with cancer!) Talk about deflated. We were stunned and just drove home.

We re-scheduled and made dang sure his sugars were good. We didn't feel good about me going for some reason so Jason went by himself. We don't do separate very well but made it through and he got the scans.

We thought it would take a few days to get the results but they said it would be at his Dr. the next day...which we just happen to have an apt.! Imagine that! ;)

I won't lie....we were both a MESS! The Dr. walked in and gave his greeting then said "No one talked to you while you were there?" ......I knew it was back. I really like his Dr. he knows his limits and knows when to say so. Basically he knows enough to read the report....

....which said that there is cell activity in one lymph node in his arm pit. The suspicious ones in his abdomen and lung were just fine. In fact, they were measuring the same as when he had scans done in 2006....which we had no idea were enlarged in the first place. All his organs are clear. Just that one spot. BUT....one spot or a million. Still activity.

So it's not quite the explosive experience we had 5 years ago when it was emergent that he get chemo ASAP. We can be slow and steady with it...but still give it it's due attention. We will know our plan of attack better once we talk to an oncologist that specializes in Lymphoma at the Huntsman....Vernal just doesn't have that sort of Dr.'s here....shocking...I know. ;)

We are doing. We both have been going through the same emotions. We don't wanna do this again! (Imagine a 2 year old stomping their feet) But....what are ya gonna do?! We do it. And we do it with as much grace and laughter as we can muster up! I so appreciate all the prayers and thoughts on our behalf. It is overwhelming at times and we feel so unworthy. We know this is just another "speed bump". We don't feel we are being punished. We feel more like...we already agreed to this before we came to this life and trusting we knew what we were signing up for! I know that may sound weird...but it's how we feel. :)

We will keep you updated. It's gonna take a few more weeks....but keep checkin back! We love you all! Thank you again for any all thoughts. They just mean more than you know!!!!!

Country living..................

2009-10-21T16:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the kids brought this home from the bus. They are a set of rules for the bus. Fair enough, I thought. Then I read it....and read it....and read it.....then read it one more time.

I wish I could say this was a joke.... but it's not! It actually hurts a little to read it.
If your computer page is a little small to read the fine print. Let me type it out for ya!

**Because of the bad weather we mite have I will be more streaked with these rules. **

And let's not forget the in side voice instead of the inside voice!

I said a small prayer of thanks that this is the bus driver and not the teacher. Although....I hope she's memorized the traffic signs!!!!

I'm not a scholar of the English language and I will freely admit I'm one of the worst spellers known....my spell check gets LOTS of use! But OH MY WORD!!!!! The fact that she typed it out and took great care in sending it home!!!! So sad! Like I said...it actually hurts to read it!

****In her 'defense'...I did spell check and not one word was misspelled! Yet....!!!!!! *****

Hmm.........

2009-10-18T15:48:00.001-07:00

I made a realization today at church. I really don't know how to accept assistance. I never feel good enough or worthy enough TO accept assistance OR help or even be considered for the two. Let me share:

I have split the kids up to go to two of my dear friends home while we are in SLC. The boys and girls....that comes in much more handy than I ever thought possible!

Anyway.... Ben's scout leader, who by the way is a rock star in any calling she has, asked me if we would be able to get Ben's derby car ready by Thur since we just found out about it yesterday. I told her probably not and that's just what happens sometimes.

She not only insisted on buying him a car, but then set it up for my friends husband (who the boys are staying with) to do it with him.

I can't even tell you how much I'm struggling with this. I'm so glad he won't be missing out...but that someone else is having to do it for me is turning out to be something I'm REALLY struggling with.

Then the thought (which I'm not AT ALL happy about having!) came to my mind. "What if Jason IS taken....you will have to rely on others ALL the time" (Please don't take this as any sort of premonition, I feel I get these thoughts to set it in perspective sometimes!)

Why is it that I wouldn't hesitate in any way to do this same thing for someone else. I would totally be there for any of my dear friends' kids, husbands, whatever....and yet...me?!

I know I'm not alone in this. I get this tends to be something most women struggle with...any "what I do" 's are welcome as always.

I'll have to let you know how I deal.... I'm still overwhelmed at the thought. Again...apparently this is the cheap version of therapy! (I wonder if this would be considered redneck therapy?! ;))

Landed.....................

2009-10-15T21:09:00.000-07:00

Well...the stress of it all has landed. All the worries, all the future, all the concern of the last 5 years has landed.

No we don't know if it's back. Yes, we will make it through. No, I don't know what anyone...even me...can do.

I had to talk with the kids tonight about it all. They got it...tonight. They feel our worry. Suddenly, I'm very angry and have no patience with some people and feel very grateful for others.

I'm not the saddest story. I've not lost Jason. I have a beautiful life. I'm still overwhelmed.

Please be patient with me. I'm working at it as fast as I can.

Funniest ride ever...................

2009-10-08T14:37:00.000-07:00

We picked all the kids up from school today since we took cupcakes to McKelle's classroom for her birthday. Then had to run over to the middle school to pick up Sam because he stays after on Tue and Thurs for extra tutoring help.

Ben as always delivered the entertainment.

Ben: "Hey McKelle maybe on your next birthday you can ask to go to the Rec. center" (as we are passing said rec. center)
Kelle: "I don't want to"
Ben: "what?" (with a voice of complete disbelief)
Kelle: "because I don't want to"
Ben: "I could bring my own goggles and everything"
Kelle: "I don't want to"
Ben: "Huh, I think it would be awesome"

***I could hear it in his head "first you WANT to go to school (I give them the choice to stay home or go on their birthdays...and the rest of the kids so they can play together...he was so bugged she wanted to go!) and then you don't want to go to the rec center...what is wrong with you?!"***

We get to the middle school and Sam is walking towards us and a girl (who looks way older) is walking behind him.

Ben: " so that's what the ladies look like in middle school"

Then we are headed home and there is a discussion on this girl at their bus stop that gave Kelle a soda for her birthday (and apparently Ben & Zoie as well). I might have to start going to the bus stop...they so don't need soda ESPECIALLY that early!

Kelle: (to Sam) "she was so nice and gave me a soda"
Zoie: "me too"
Ben: "don't worry, I got a soda too" (as if it was of highest concern for Sam)

Love that kid!

Didn't have to wait.....sorta........

2009-10-07T14:49:00.000-07:00

Well, the tests results are back. And we didn't have to wait till the 15th. It's not all clean and clear...yet?!

They found a couple of lymph nodes that are enlarged and suspicious. So we will be going to SLC in the next week or so for more tests to see if it is cancer or not.

The good news is that even if it IS cancer, they have found it early enough it shouldn't be quite the ordeal it was last time. Remember....I said shouldn't be. ;)

So until we know more it's business as usual.

I'm not going to say I'm not worried. I've been struggling with having parties and celebrations for a while now and I can't help but to think this is why.

I'm staying positive but I also feel it's prudent to think about the "what if" factor. The "just in case" plan of attack.

Thanks for all your well wishes. We will surely keep you updated!

General Confernece......................

2009-10-04T18:42:00.000-07:00

General Conference was amazing....as always. I loved the simple messages of Love, patience and happiness to face our troubled situations and relationships. So great!

The powerful testimony of the Book of Mormon Bro. Holland gave so reminded me of my mission. I had a Visitor Center Companion (never a companion, just served in the VC together) that had such a testimony that I could hear the love when she spoke "Book of Mormon". It inspired me to create my own love of this powerful tool and I did. I add my testimony to Bro. Holland! (we don't' really pull out the camera for serious missionary moments...well...baptisms. This is us doing our "foxy lady"...she was a riot!)

Sunday morning was my favorite for the music.
For one of the "break" hymns they chose "How Firm a Foundation". This is one the songs I've been teaching in Primary. I loved it....all the kids were coloring and singing ALL the words! I was so proud!

The choir sang "Love is Spoken Here". This song always reminds me of the Steurer Family. (my cousins) There are 2 boys and 4 girls. They were basically the primary in their branch in Oklahoma. They would sing this and I loved the Spirit I felt when they did. To this day that is what I hear! ;) (this is their family picture.....this is what 6 kids married with kids looks like!!!)

I also loved the idea President Monson gave of "warm fuzzies". We've worked so hard this year at teaching our children to give of service. Might have to implement that in some way!

Jason took Sam to his first Priesthood Session on Saturday Night. Sam was BEAMING when he came home. So cute. And he gave me the "rundown" of what they talked about. I'm still in awe of how old he is! (remember my camera is broken...old pictures! ;) Sam & Jason 1998)

5 Years!!!!!...............

2009-10-02T15:24:00.000-07:00

This coming Tuesday will mark our 5th year in remission. Which in Lymphoma terms means Jason will be cured of Lymphoma!!!!!

This has stirred some interesting feelings for me. On this day, we usually have cupcakes at work (just like in Elementary school) and have almost like a check...one more year down!

Being that he will be considered cured and DONE. I am completely paranoid, excited, grrr, embarrassed and am experiencing survivors guilt all over again...which brings up the rear with overwhelmed. May I explain?! (this is very therapeutic!)

Paranoid...because I've heard of many stories that it comes back a week or two (which is when a person would usually get their last set of scans) before their cure date. Jason went in for his today and we will have the results back on the 15th. (yea, look for that post!)

Excited.....well...that one is sorta obvious! I can not believe we actually made it to this day! I remember being at the UofU hospital when the above picture was taken and wondering if we would ever see this day and working at not getting my hopes too high!

Grrrrr......I couldn't come up with the word that matches what I feel. When we talk about our experiences, there are people that talk to us like we are "pretend". Almost as if because our prognosis was/is good, what we went through doesn't count. Or that we have to loose our someone for it to really count. After going through what we did....this is not a good feeling.

Embarrassed....... because I'm not just doing cartwheels over and over and over! After Jason's transplant I had a break down of sorts. Feeling all the things I should have while he was sick. I had a lot of people ask "why are you so sad, he's all better"...dripping with judgement. I didn't have the words to explain what I was going through and why. Now I know, but then not so much. It seems I'm doing it all over again. I'm not sad, but certainly not doing cartwheels and I get embarrassed when I don't react how others expect. I know...dumb...but real.

Survivors Guilt....... I remember the first time I experienced this. My cousin that had been battling Leukemia passed away shortly after our transplant. I remember being at her funeral feeling sooooo bad that our outcome was so different. I feel it every time I hear of someone not doing well or has passed due to cancer.

and last but not least...Overwhelmed. This I'm sure is because I'm feeling all the above at once. I'm really working at just feeling and talking and working through all these NOW instead of a few months down the road. It's amazing how its been 5 years and one small date can bring all these flood of emotions.

I want to make sure I thank my Heavenly Father. I appreciate all the lessons I've learned and am learning. Even the bad things have had a great impact on my life and my families. I can't begin to even put into words how grateful I am that the Lord saw fit to keep Jason here. I'm convinced I'd still be curled up in a ball.

Thank you for "listening". It was very helpful to put a label to each emotion so I can deal with it and put it to rest! Life is good!!!!!! (yes, the exercise and meds are working!!!)

Boys...........OI!................

2009-09-29T15:50:00.000-07:00

I like to share/remember some situations that we laugh at our kids. (sometimes to keep from cying!) The boys get this post. I don't like posts without pics...and I tend to work at remembering my children at super cute stages so as not to completely strangle them at times. (ex:...the story about Sam in this post!) So this is my favorite picture of the boys together.

On with the stories...................

I had parent teacher conferences, which wasn't as bad as usual because we were down a child! ;) I had the boys with me because the girls were home sick. The boys were true to form by being bored as I was waiting for Zoie's teacher to be done with another family.

I told Ben to go to his classroom and see if his teacher would allow him to get a ball so they could go play. He went about 3 steps and started to turn the corner.....stopped DEAD in his tracks. Turned to Sam without ever lifting a foot (ya know...like in basketball!) and says to Sam

"SAM, there's two girls in the hall way playing Bakigan" (something like Pokemon)

The only thing missing was him saying " JACKPOT" ! Oh but his eyes said it!

Sam. He is getting his teenage feet wet. He's really been working on his social skills....on us. (This next statement will NOT get me into the mother hall of fame.) It's tedious work listening. He ALWAYS starts a story with "hey mom (dad) wanna hear something funny (cool)" Which has now come to a sort of nails on chalkboard for me.

I was in our apt. office finishing my day and he came in, smiling so big. Here's how our conversation went: .....please know that it's only funny because it is SO SAD!

Sam: "Hey mom, wanna hear something cool"
Mom: "always"
Sam: "we took a test in Mr. Simper's class today"
Mom: "oh yea, how did it go?".......

***I'd like to interject that right about now I have my best Whoo Hoo ready for him. He struggles in school and he's smiling AND he's got something cool for me to hear. We've lived together for 12 years. I'm guessing he can somewhat tell what I think is cool. ***

Sam: " I got a D"
Mom: completely deflated "oh yea, are you happy about it?"
Sam: still smiling "not really"
Mom:.....let's go home and chat!

Ah...the joys of motherhood.

What's been up.................

2009-09-28T11:55:00.000-07:00

This is a very old picture...but one that sorta sums up what been up!

This summer sorta took over my life and my exercising went into oblivion. I didn't think much of it since I was super busy and active anyway. Then school started and I wasn't being able to make exercise a priority.

A couple months ago I could feel the "crazies" coming back. This is the term I give my depression/anxiety problems. It would come and go but I knew something was coming. I just wasn't being able to see the positive more and more. Things I LOVED to do just seemed...dumb and I was having to work WAY too hard at being social. And the fact that I cried at most things was just too much.

I was hoping to get back to the gym and get my chemicals running in the right direction. At this point I'm wanting the exercise for pure stability. Weight loss would just be a byproduct! It just wasn't happening.

This morning I broke down and got my prescription refilled. I'm not going to say I'm not completely disappointed that I'm at this point. We'll see how it helps. My plan is to get myself to the gym then I can take myself off like I did before. I just know I'm not OVERwhelmed with the depression but I'm certainly IN it.

Poor Jason has been the "target" of my crazies this time. Poor guy just can't catch a break. But in true Jason form, he's amazing and is SO SO SO supportive of me. I just appreciate his willingness to assist me however. And bless his heart, he tries to joke about it.....then realizes it's too soon. So send a prayer his way.... and mine. ;)

You'll be able to see my progress. See...I don't blog or Facebook much when I'm in this state. It's bad enough I have to deal with it....I don't want to spread it around. So the more I blog, the better I'm getting! (although, my camera broke and I can't buy one just yet! :( so...you'll have to deal with older pics!)

I don't know if this is the "crazies" or me....but.....I just don't want you to pity me or anything of the sort. I only share not because I think you lie awake at night wondering if I'm OK...but because I know with certainty I'm not the only one that struggles with these issues. And if even ONE of my experiences can assist another....it makes it that more worth it. Plus, I also feel the more I talk about it the more conscious of it I am and that assists me as well.

I love you all! ;) Later!!!!!

Surreal...yet awesome................

2009-09-20T17:29:00.000-07:00

Wow....I'm really slacking in my blogging! So much has been going on...most not very exciting but still time consuming. I've been wanting to blog about this for some time now....and here it is....just shy of a decade!

We've had an occasion worth mentioning in our family. Sam was ordained a Deacon on the 13th.

Let me just say that I feel this is one of the most important things that can happen to a young man and yet the least amount of fan fare is made....which I also feel is appropriate.

I'm just so proud of Sam. He is striving with all his might to be the sort of person worthy of holding the priesthood and the sacredness of that office. I've seen a real change in him the closer it's gotten and since. He is such a good example to his siblings and hopefully his cousins he's able to interact with.

Today he passed the sacrament for the first time. He was sooooo nervous. I was watching him sitting with the adults (we don't have a lot of youth in our ward!) and he just looked so small. It's a surreal moment in MY life to have a child old enough to be in the youth program. I remember thinking about it as I had 3 children in diapers thinking it would never ever get here. (not that I was wanting time to hurry...just staring into 3 babies eyes.....!)

We sit with our 2nd counselors' wife to help her with her 2 boys and baby. Her oldest LOVES Sam. I was watching him during the sacrament and he watched Sam like a hawk. (he's 5) I was even more grateful for Sam and his amazing Spirit.

I feel so blessed to have the children I do. They are all priceless and add so much to our lives. I'm even more grateful for the husband I have that is such a great example for them to follow. Life is good!!!! ;)

20th Reunion..................

2009-09-06T09:07:00.000-07:00

My 20th High School Reunion was this weekend.....and I didn't get to go! :( I'm not gonna lie...at one point I actually cried tears! I loved High School...for the most part and I had some great great friends that I completely lost contact with until FaceBook came along!

Due to a friend that is completely on top of things....I was able to experience it a little through pics. Jury still out if that helped or not. For anyone that knows me....knows I don't like being left out of fun! I just loved seeing it all though! So I'm sharing a little!!!!
This is our "contribution" to our High School when we left. It's the sign out front of our school....at least I think it's out front?!

They had a family picnic. This is one of my very best friends (I was friends with the husband too...in fact....I got them together! Good thing it worked out!!!! ;)) and her family. Aren't her girls gorgeous!? The one totally looks like Taylor Swift with brown hair!
Then they had a dinner that night. I'm not gonna lie. Some of the pics she took....could not make out who they were! She hasn't tagged anyone yet, so I'm gonna have to wait! .....I knew these girls though!!! ;)

They looked like they had soo much fun! I can't wait to hear updates on people from some that I've reconnected with!

*******It's funny.....this has ensued a conversation with Jason about High School. We decided it was a great thing we never met IN High School. He was the cute loner that looked like he could give a rats a** about anyone there (because he couldn't!) and I was the chipper clique girl running around the school with delight. Thank heavens there's real life AFTER High School!!!!!!

Donny & Maire...part 2.........

2009-09-03T17:13:00.000-07:00

I think this is totally going to show my age...but it's just too cute to pass up!

Growing up I would always watch the Donny & Marie Show. I loved it!!! I will spare you the details of all the things I loved. When I think Ben or Zoie was a baby I made a trip to Deseret Book and found 2 volumes of the Best of Donny & Marie. I was so excited!

Skip to present day:
Zoie and McKelle watch these videos ALL the time! Especially Zoie! I was folding a little laundry one night and Zoie asked if she could watch said video with me while I folded laundry! Hello....YES!
As the opening act...which they were singing "Chattanooga Choo Choo".....my little Zoie gets up and DOES THE WHOLE DANCE!!!!! (until she caught me watching then sat down! :( ) PLUS...all the words to the song! My heart swelled with happiness!!!
THEN:......

We were having a FHE and we were watching a video Jason had found on the Internet. While we were getting settled. Sam had said something and Zoie without skipping a beat says "cute D...real cute". This is something Marie said to Donny constantly on the show!

I love how things recycle themselves. I love that my kids enjoyed some of what I enjoyed as much as I did!!!!

St. George, Bindi, School, ......Oh my!

2009-08-31T16:58:00.000-07:00

I have a few things to catch up on! Our trip to St. George was so much fun! We came home and life... what felt like literally.... exploded!!!

I'm working VERY hard at taking back my life. Slowly but surely it's comin! On to the fun stuff!!!!

This is what the boys did a lot of while visiting. I think Ben thought he'd died and gone to heaven...as did the other boys....because they got to play XBOX as much as they wanted while the boys visited. Okay maybe not AS much as they wanted but WAY more than usual! Special circumstances deserve special treats!!!! I have to admit I had SOOOO much fun watching T play. He's hilarious...never sits down and jumps when his guy jumps, etc. So funny! And shockingly we never had ONE fight! They all played soo well together!

When T wasn't having a turn...he was pretending to have a turn! It was very comforting to me to see Tanner play. I thought Ben was "special" because he is CONSTANTLY pretending. Flying to and fro, making sounds of various sorts. Tanner did the same thing, which I loved to watch them play. They have the greatest imaginations!!!

This is what Bindi did while we were away. Waiting.

It was me and 6 kids on the way to St. George. Didn't think much of it then but now .....what was I thinking?! They were actually all so well behaved. They were patient and hardly asked "are we there yet"...which is a feat in itself! At one point I heard Drake and Zoie's cute laughs and turned to see Drake totally tickling Zoie. .....this is me snapping a picture WHILE looking at the road. Not too bad huh?! At least I wasn't texting! ;)

After our trip we were invited to dinner to the friend's home that gave us Bindi. So she got to play with her mom. They were great together!!! And I love how much she looks like her mom! Just in case you can't tell....Bindi is the one WITHOUT the toy. Lucy wouldn't give that up for the world! There must be a weird connection in my head. I had as much joy and warm feelings watching them play as I do watching my kids with their cousins. (and yes...I know....she's the baby we can't have...whatever!)

And I had to at least mention Zoie's birthday! ;) We are going with low key on all B-Days this year. We did the drive in...which is quickly becoming a tradition for Zo's birthday! We stayed for both features (Harry Potter and Night @ the museum). I love the Drive In....and I Love Zoie!!!
Lamo mom forgot to take first day of school pics. But SCHOOL ROCKS!!!! We have started with a really good routine and I'm praying and praying I can stick to it. I'm even....wait for it.....getting up at 6AM to get the kids off! I know...hell must be getting cold!

Sam was so nervous for his first day but has adjusted to middle school with more ease than expected! I think he likes the hour we have alone before the other kids get home...and so do I. ;)

Life is stressful...I'm not going to lie....but it's still good! :)

Trip to St. George........

2009-08-15T16:55:00.000-07:00

Yes....this little boy is as cute as he looks!

We made a quick trip to St. George to return 2 of the 3 Jones' boys. (the third pictured above is too young to be on his own just yet! ) We have had so much fun with them at our home and while here in St. George.

I always love spending time with my brother's family. They are so great to my kids and so welcoming to me. I swear I have the best sister in law! She feels more like a sister sister! I have so much fun with her!

My kids had fun swimming each day and spending time with their nana and papa. Who wouldn't loved being doted on! ;)

The only bummer was Jason couldn't go with us. :( I missed him like CRAZY!!!!! (and Bindi ;))

I wished I could have seen some friends and family I have not seen for awhile...but better saved for a trip when we get to stay longer! Sorry Rod and Amy....I truly tried to squeeze it in!!!

I did take a few pictures....but I'm not at my computer. You'll have to wait!!!! I know...you can hardly stand it!

First Birthday...................

2009-08-10T13:40:00.000-07:00

Our "little" Bindi is one today! I know know....celebrating a dog's birthday. Well...let's just say I've been so overwhelmed with not just my responsibilities as a mom/wife/member but also a little fed up with too many people that I'm focusing on a little good! :)

I have just loved this girl. She's a bit of a sickly girl...in one year we have spent around $350 on vet bills! Grrr....it could be much worse though! But sickly aside she is so much fun!

She's the baby I can't have anymore and she my "woobie"....she will come and snuggle with me when I'm not having a great day, she senses my energy and I guess feels the need to "protect" me. I'm not gonna lie...I love it!

So Happy Birthday Miss Bindi! (and yes, we are having cupcakes!) We love you!!! (even Jason!)

Update and a sound mind................

2009-08-03T20:56:00.001-07:00

Well....breath a sigh of relief. My mind is firmly in place and not lost! ;)

This is what I came up with. I had Sam/McKelle be the parents from 9-1. Ben/Zoie were going to be the kids. They had a list of things that had to be done and I gave them reasons that I felt were not so much mine but things that they could relate to.

Sam instantly got power drunk eyes. I then explained that when they were getting their "kids" to do chores, etc. They were not allowed to yell or hit or anything of the sort. I can't...! ;) He got it in check quick!

I explained to Ben/Zoie that Sam/McKelle were the parents and they were to respect them as such.

They all played their rolls. I guess at first they weren't taking it too seriously (I had started my work at an apartment) and Jason reminded them they better take this seriously...and they did!

Half way through Kelle tells me "being a parent sucks!". I smiled.

At 1 we were having lunch and we sat them down and talked about what they experienced and how they felt. They got it.

Team work Team work Team work.

I was really impressed with how Kelle took her roll as a mother so seriously and was willing to work along side Ben. I told her she had to stick with the "plan" because I was not always able to work along side them. She got how frustrating that is to me and said so. Such a small epiphany...but sooooooo big for me! I really appreciated her!

Sam got how frustrated I get and WHY I get so frustrated. He was very helpful the rest of the day.

Ben/Zoie said they appreciated having older siblings to share in the work and to have as examples.

I have no delusions that this lesson won't come up again and again. I'm just really grateful for my kids and their wonderful spirits. They are just sooo great! Love them!!!!! It was such a great experience over the weekend to really think about being a kid again. To realize and remember a few things. I don't feel quite as loser a mom! I still have those few chosen that have voiced what a bad mother they feel I am...swirling in my head. Then I remember. Hey pot....this is kettle....you're black!

Momma's fixin to loose her mind.........

2009-07-31T19:22:00.000-07:00

I'm sure.... I pray I'm not the only mother that looks at her children on occasion and thinks "Holy Crap.... I'm failing!"

We've really been struggling this summer with time and fulfilling responsibilities....mine and Jason's. See...we get everything done while they were in school and then it's them time...scouts, achievement days, etc. This summer I've still got my responsibilities and commitments and yet our scheduling has gone by the way side! Not to mention it's taking me twice as long to do what I gotta do. It's been a struggle.

We have had numerous talks with the kids about responsibility and how they can assist our family while Jason and I are doing what we do to support our family. We've shown them a little cause and effect if you will. Ex. If they assist me by doing dishes...when I'm done cleaning an apt. we can play (lake, library, etc.) . If they don't then I must fulfill that responsibility and we miss out on some fun. Team work has been the theme.

Well.....as my title states...."put your fork down, momma's fixin to loose her mind" (Bill Engvall). So I came..... Heavenly Father came up with an idea...and I'm runnin with it!

This weekend starts our "staycation"....Sat and Sun, Jason and I will be creating some ground rules and guide lines for what will occur on Monday.(I actually am basing this loosely on a Cosby Show Episode...any fans...you'll know what I'm talking about!)

MONDAY....we are switching places with Sam and McKelle. (I thought about all 4 but then that would be more like a coup instead of a learning experience.) I think Ben and Zoie will still learn from it. We are going to line out what they must accomplish on that day and juggle. We of course will make it attainable...but not easy. Jason and I will be them on their not so better days. We will have a list of "reasons" we can become mom and dad for a moment....how to run things, driving, melt downs, etc.

I think it will be interesting to say the least! We will discuss our day for Family Night....I will post our results asap! ;) I really feel it will be an eye opener....not just for the kids but for Jason and I as well. Wish us luck!!!!! :)

EUREKA....................

2009-07-19T17:17:00.000-07:00

I have the special calling of being the Primary Chorister. I actually really enjoy it! Our ward had a bit of struggle there for a bit getting a chorister to stick. So we've been playing catch up on our program songs.

I'm not gonna lie. The Junior Primary (pictured above) was starting to make me not only worried but wondering if this was the calling for me. They just didn't seem to be getting the songs! It got to the point I was dreading each Sunday (only for about 3 weeks...but still!).

Then I had an idea! (And just to be clear.....it was the Spirit's doing. I just followed said prompting!) To make some sort of puppet. That was last Sunday....when I wanted to come home crying but had to give a talk in church instead.

So here it was Sat. and I hadn't given the puppet idea another thought...remember...not liking my calling and having PLENTY of other things to distract me! Jason and I went to Wal-Mart for a few items and I rummaged through their pathetic at best craft center. They had these cute bag puppets kits (cats/dogs) and they were on sale! I thought....why not!

MANNA FROM HEAVEN! Those kids not only knew those dag gum songs....they sang them sooooooo well!!!! I would hide the puppet behind my back and told them it only came out when they were singing. Totally baited and hooked them in.

I had such grateful....RELIEVED feelings of Joy! Now...we can get on with it!

Things I miss.................

2009-07-13T21:01:00.000-07:00

I MISS MY CHILDREN GOING TO SCHOOL!

I MISS MY CHILDREN BEING TIRED AT THE END OF THE DAY!

I MISS 8:00 BEDTIME!

I MISS ALONE TIME!

I MISS MISSING MY CHILDREN!

I MISS HAVING SNACKS AVAILABLE AT ANYTIME OF THE DAY!

I MISS A CLEAN HOUSE FOR MORE HOURS OF THE DAY THAN NOT!

.....ahhh, I feel better...thanks! ;)

What a day...............

2009-07-12T18:26:00.000-07:00

Wow....my Sunday was jammed packed. With a surprising twist....!

I had singing time as usual. The older kids were easy...we are learning to sign "I'll seek the Lord early" and then practice our extra song. It was awesome and I have a lot of fun with them!

The younger kiddos are a bit harder. They are already tired from sitting in class AND sharing time so by the time I get them....they seem spent. I feel their pain! They aren't learning the songs very well and I have got to find something to get their attention. I'm thinking about making a puppet of sorts to come out of a box?! When they are singing well?! I don't know. Anyway...it was a challenge!

Then....I was asked to speak in church as well. I don't mind speaking that much. I don't get asked very often...whew....so when I do it's not too bad. UNTIL I get up there then I want to die!!!!
****Remember...I only want to be NEXT to attention! I don't want it all!*******

Jason had to work and said he would be there for Sacrament (we have it last) to sit with the kids. I wasn't completely confident he would be because Lowe's.....is lame! :) We never know what will come up, so I wasn't counting on it.

Sacrament had started and we were singing the sacrament song when he walked in. The weirdest thing happened. I was INSTANTLY calmed.

I don't think it's weird that it happened, just surprised it was sooo noticeable.

I've talked many times about how I feel about him and how grateful I am for him and what he brings to our relationship and family. It was just such a blessing to have my Spirit react to his presence.

I'm not sure I'm making ANY sense.....but I know what I'm talking about...and will always remember my heart leaping at the sight of him! I just LOVE him!!!!!

Update................

2009-07-08T10:58:00.000-07:00

So we had a talk with Sam this morning. I was still fuming by the time Jason got home from work. Good night's sleep always helps.

We explained why we don't like not knowing where he is and how easy it would be for someone to snatch him and Zoie. AND that even though he might be able to drop and run.... he's proven over and over that he would not have fought for his sister.

We also explained that if he feels he's old enough to make adult choices(going wherever without telling someone) then he's old enough to see a little more what the adult world is like. I showed him the site that has registered sex offenders and where they live....a couple by where his friend lives. I hate that I felt prompted to do so. I'm not interested in showing how ugly the world can be but I also see that he gets to see where our fears and OUR responsibility are coming from.

I know he gets we love and just want to protect him. His punishment was this. He's grounded to his room for all of today and tom. only coming out for bathroom and meals. He still gets to have the opp. to prove his responsibility skills by playing with his friend but the boundaries were set VERY VERY CLEAR!!!!

It's exhausting!

Grrrrrrrr.........................

2009-07-07T20:54:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been soo freaked and mad at one of your children you could just....grrr......! No comments Mom or Dad! (I had an incident in a foreign country that DOES NOT need to be brought up!)

The kids went outside to play after dinner...no big deal. One of Sam's friends that acts like a good kid but I don't really think he is because Sam always ends up making stupid mistakes..only when he's with said kid...........anyway, he came by to see if Sam could come out.

Around 8:30, it's time for children to come in and go to bed. It's finally a little dark outside and it's just time. McKelle comes in and says "I don't know where Sam is"...Mom: "where's Zoie?" McKelle: "with Sam"

I knew instantly that he had gone with this kid to his house...which is NOT in our complex. The rule has been since we moved into Vernal that you don't leave our complex grounds. He's in trouble. I look down the trailer park way and cannot see anyone. So I get in my car...cursing under my breath.....and go looking.

I find no one except people of questionable bathing habits! I start feeling a little nervous. I go to some apt. that are right behind us...nothing.

I come home and find that they have made it home. I came in and told him to go straight to his room. He gets to go to church and that's it. Otherwise...he's in the house till I decide otherwise. No swimming, nothing. He came down to apologize and I told him to turn and burn upstairs. I told him I've got to have time to cool down before we talk so that I can talk with him rationally.

I'm still cooling. Grrrrrrr!!!!!!!

This is the third time something like this has happened. He's out! This is our first real incident with Sam or really any of our kids. I'm not sure how to get it through to him to simply tell me what's up?! I'm not sure about punishment either. We've always taken a "natural consequence" to things. I hate thinking of saying "you can't be friends with him".......and yet that seems the natural consequence....because it only happens when he's with this kid! I'll have to let you know what happens. Any suggestions, other than "it serves you right for Mexico" are welcome!

4th of JULY.....................

2009-07-03T19:10:00.000-07:00

I've really been thinking a lot about 4th of July this year. Maybe it's because I've been reading a lot of books that seem to be dealing with war and the effects it has on the soil it's fought.

No matter......I wanted to say "thank you" in any way possible. I'm grateful for those that have given their lives to keep war from our soil.

I have a few relatives that have fought in previous wars and those that are now. I'm grateful to Mike Sell (sorry...I don't have a pic of you! :( ) and the service he gives each day. You may not be in uniform but I know you serve!!!!

I'm also grateful to Josh and the service and sacrifice he's making for our country. He's had to be away from his family for a YEAR! I cannot imagine how hard or stressful that is. I pray he stays safe as well as his family. Their sacrifice is no less.
My heart swells as I hear the anthem played or sung and grateful that thus far my children do not know war. That they are safe in our home. That they have the freedom of choice in all things. I'm so grateful for our Constitution and pray nightly it stays in place!

So on this 4th of July....thank whatever civil servant you can. Show the gratitude...even in a simple hand shake....I bet it means more than we know!

Read HERE for our personal experience thanking a soldier!!!!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!!!!!

Baby of the family.................

2009-06-30T20:25:00.000-07:00

Who could get mad at this face? Is there any wonder she is a CLASSIC baby of the family!?! We had a talk with Sam the other night and during we told him we knew they send Zoie down to ask for things because they thought we would say yes.....he totally admitted it ! I was just shooting in the dark! Now I'm REALLY like my Aunt Miriam and Uncle Dan!!!! (not that that's bad!)

I really am working at being more fair and making her tow the line a little more. I will say...she's REALLY good at getting out of work. She moves around like she's doing something but then all of the sudden everyone else is done with their chores and hers is still waiting to be done. I swore I would never have a baby of the family. My O so wise sister, Brit, would always say "you know...you will stop having children and then you'll have a baby of the family" I ignored her...and look where it got me!

Every morning I pray for the will to out will her. It doesn't help that she has her dad wrapped around her whole fist! OI!!!! What's a mom to do?! (that's rhetorical by the way ;))

Writers, Editors, Publishers....who's to blame?..........

2009-06-26T00:15:00.000-07:00

I have a bone to pick with writers. Not ALL writers mind you but there a few chosen that are really urking me! Yes, I used a tweeny term....URK! Maybe those of you that are gifted in the art of reading could shed some light on this urksomeness. (it could be a word) Krystal....help!

The last two books I have read....well.....I'm full up of these people. They are not the same author but I'm pretty sure they had to of gone to the same writing class. Both books were a little hard to start. I wasn't captured right away...which is fine. I get that some books it just takes time to get to know...sorta like people. (I've chosen to keep writers anonymous in the case you LOVE these writers! )

I like getting to know them. I like how they unfold themselves and then slowly sink their hook to the corner of my mouth till I can't let go and they reel me in. Just like people.

Both these books did just that. A little hard to get at first then they really started opening up and wham....I was hooked. Then in 2 more pages....done. What the hell? What happened?

It's like putting the breaks on a great make out session. It left me wanting more and feeling very unsatisfied. (I hope that's not too offensive....but that's how it feels!) No explanation...even half hazard ....of characters how they got to where they ended up and nothing in between. As if it were a "fill in the blank" book.

I don't read books because I don't have an imagination or because I couldn't "imagine" what happens to these characters. I read books to see what others would do, to see how others tick, to gain some insight into myself and my habits. I know most are fictional...who cares. Someone somewhere is like that person! (maybe not vampires, but you get my point?!)

I've decided to read PURE fluff for my next book to get me back to happy ville. A book I've already read but it's been awhile. A book I chose to put in my collection. No I will not tell you what it is....and it's not by Stephanie Meyer!

Any insight or Amen's are welcome!

Grandpa Jones.......................

2009-06-24T20:43:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of me and my Grandpa Jones (my dad's dad). Don't I look like I had a fun day?! (cause of all the dirt! ;))

Yesterday I had the opportunity to seal my Grandpa and his wife Sharon (she was his second wife....and true love!) It was with out a doubt one of my top 10 spiritual experiences. I know they are both so happy to be reunited and able to spend eternity together.

I felt it such a privilege to do this work with the love of MY life! I have a child's memory of both Grandpa and Sharon....but nothing but good memories. I knew they both loved me and I know now how proud they are of me as well!

It was a good night yesterday! :)

Family Pictures II....................

2009-06-18T15:14:00.001-07:00

My friend Mindy is going to be a famous photographer someday and guess who'll have pics from her?! YUP...me!!! She was sooo great! It was the first time I didn't have to tell the photographer what to do or to be creative in a non weird way! We had a lot of fun! Here are the highlights and yes.....Sam is getting old and I'm sure you can totally see the teenager in him. Heaven help me!!!!

Yoga anyone?......................

2009-06-01T18:10:00.000-07:00

We have a new exercise program that Jason LOVES.....P90X. Personally it sounds like a radio station....but it's an AWESOME workout! Jason decided to try out the Yoga DVD...usually he just does free weights. (I'm still stuck on walking and elliptical!)
I don't know if it was that they wanted to be with Dad or if it's because they are drawn to tight small spaces....either way.....this is what ended up happening. They all started doing Yoga. I loved it.....I did not love how much Ben moan and groaned (working on it...still!) I couldn't resist taking pictures....Jason jumped out...he's a quick study! ;)

Now that's it summer..... I'm getting them into an exercise program of some sort. I want them to learn to love exercise or at least see what it does for them on a daily basis! Wish me luck...and Ben....I pray we are both still standing by summer's end!

My very own Violet Beauregarde.............

2009-05-29T17:45:00.001-07:00

And just shy of a decade....I downloaded my pictures! Thanks Tari for "pouting"! ;)

There are too many fun stories to tell...which first. I KNOW....Zoie! Haven't heard from her in awhile...but she's still cracking us up! The other day she comes in and Jason goes "oooo, you better go see your mom" .....this is what walked into the kitchen!

It's like she had gone to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and eaten the dinner gum! "always goes wrong at the desert!" Her sister and friend had colored her with sidewalk chalk. And yes...it cleans up nice! (which is why she's still with us! ;))

She also had a program at school. She's in the pre-first program. Best thing ever!!!! She'll start 1st grade at the top of her class. She reads scriptures with us and can read 50% of the words!
She read a story that she wrote... I worked at uploading the video but it took toooo long! She was soo excited, she came home from school, put on her dress and did her hair....it wasn't till 6:30!

Ah, my little baby! She's still such a delight! Love that girl!!!!

Crazy busy.............

2009-05-19T13:28:00.000-07:00

I seem to have a cycle. My life gets boring and predictable and then WHAM...crazy busy. I'm looking forward to the boring and predictable but enjoying the here and now!

I've had a few friends ask where I've been. I'm here. No dark abyss...thank goodness! Just crazy busy! Which is better than just plain crazy!

Sunday nights have become my "brace yourself" night. By Monday morning I have 1/2 the week filled and by Tuesday night...the week is gone!

I want to be clear that I'm NOT complaining! I love being busy and it's just the right amount. I've also been able to attend the temple almost once a week...which I can tell a difference in our home. I'm just so grateful for my busy life! A girl couldn't ask for much better!

I actually have some pictures to share...I'll work on downloading them tonight. We turned our cable off so hallefreakinlujah.... we will be even more productive! Very excited about all that!

My Girls..........................

2009-05-03T00:17:00.000-07:00

Next to my wedding and moments with my children....this could quite possibly be in my TOP 5 best events/moments of my life to date!

My sweet friend Lori...sitting in front of me.... spur headed the idea for this group of friends to reunite this weekend. We were all freshman and lived on the same floor in Desert Towers...or DT if you were cool and lived there! ;) We roomed together our sophomore year off campus and then we all got on with life, married, missions and babies.

This is the first time we've been together in almost 20 years. My aunt was sweet enough to let us use her cabin and just us girls got away! Thanks also to the 'boys' we hung out with back in the day and did their own reunion...which inspired ours!

These women are responsible for shaping a good part of who/what I am today. They opened my eyes to a lot of things I was so unaware. They showed me so many different ways to be and were soo patient with me as I blundered through being me! I love these women!!!!

They also are fun fun fun and we laughed laughed laughed!

We had 2 days of just sitting around in our pj's and talking. I'm almost certain we've covered all topics more than once and got squared away on each other's histories. I feel like these experiences are just priceless. My friend Thelissa mentioned how these refuel us and assist us in ....for lack of remembering EXACTLY what she said (I'm tired!)..... pulling up our boot straps and pressing forward!

I also feel that I've learned some great things about myself, the things to add to my 'mother bag' and just reconnecting with the part of me I liked back then.

We are all better versions of our freshman selves and yet some things have not changed as well.

We still giggle and can't stop. We still have our quirks...some toned down but still quirks. We still talk it up and talk the same way. We still rule and boys drule...except our husbands of course! ;)

Thank you girls for one of the best and MUCH needed weekends. You have no idea how you've shaped me! I love you each and every last one!!!!!!